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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24709819">Love in the Time of Corona</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/colormeblue/pseuds/colormeblue'>colormeblue</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:54:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>29,572</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24709819</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/colormeblue/pseuds/colormeblue</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>As the coronavirus hits, the Playground has to go into lockdown. Not only does Skye have to deal with all the headaches that accompany living through a pandemic but she also has to confront her complicated feelings for Grant Ward who she hasn't seen since he ran after the fight at Cybertech.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Skye | Daisy Johnson/Grant Ward</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>80</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Going Stir Crazy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Skye tried to shake off her dark mood as she walked down the semi-empty hall of the Playground but nothing was working. She’d tried meditating (that was a bust), watching one of her favorite comedy shows on Netflix (not even a flicker of amusement) and even scrolling through puppy and kitten videos. Nothing, not even an awww. After pacing for a while, she changed into workout clothes, tied back her hair and left the confines of her room, determined to find something that would make her feel better.</p>
<p>Despite the fact that she was headed to the gym and not to some boring meeting or dangerous mission, the scowl remained glued to her face. If anything, it seemed to deepen the more she tried to talk herself out of it. She wasn’t the only one who noticed either. Although Skye’s general reputation was of someone upbeat and fun, whenever a foul mood struck her, it was terrible to behold. And her foul moods had been more frequent of late. That’s why her coworkers practically melted out of her path whenever they noticed The Scowl of Doom.</p>
<p>The Playground wasn’t its usual bustling self these days, a fact that had irritated Skye quite a bit for the last several weeks. She preferred to be busy because then she could keep her mind on other matters and not on how she felt. Down time, especially during the last several months, meant more time feeling her emotions and they were all over the place. <em>This pandemic is the pits!</em></p>
<p>In her more rational moments, Skye understood that she and her colleagues were lucky. They still had jobs and were getting paid, no one had contracted the virus, and they had plenty of food and space. But it was boring as hell and she was over it. There also was something else, an emotion she couldn’t quite put her finger on, plaguing her.</p>
<p>She entered the gym, grimacing at how crowded it was. Since most missions were cancelled and there wasn’t a lot to do otherwise (there’re only so many times you can do inventory), working out was a popular activity. Fortunately, no one was currently using the punching bag. She headed in that direction, wanting something to punish.</p>
<p><em>I’m so sick of seeing the same people!</em> Skye thought as she punched the bag viciously. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see her colleagues telegraphing to each other to stay as far away from her as possible. <em>Good!</em> But even as she was pleased by their acknowledgement of her bad mood, she despised them for it too. <em>Cowards!</em> Skye landed a particularly brutal punch on the bag. <em>Ward wouldn’t have been afraid; he would’ve made me spar with him or something.</em></p>
<p>The thought brought her up short and she briefly halted her punching. <em>Ward.</em> Try as she might to avoid it, he was constantly in her thoughts. She could almost hear him correcting her form, exasperated that she wasn’t taking his training seriously enough. The bastard was even making regular appearances in her dreams. And they were good ones too, a fact she noted with embarrassment. Sure, he was hot. Everyone agreed on that. But he was also a traitor, someone utterly without loyalty, morality or compassion.</p>
<p>Skye burst into an unrestrained flurry of punches. The movement felt good, satisfying, as though she was beating an enemy. It was even better when she yelled her fury at the very end. But even that didn’t touch her bad mood. Ignoring the startled glances of her coworkers, she abruptly left the punching bag, feeling a pang as she unwrapped her hands. Skye stomped over to the treadmill, glared a lower level staffer off the equipment – not feeling even a shred of guilt for interrupting his workout – and started running at as fast a speed as she could manage. Maybe if she pushed herself to the limit, she could drown out her disloyal thoughts, the ones that admitted the complaints about Ward were unfair and running a bit thin.</p>
<p>It had been months since the battle at Cybertech. In the weeks following those events, Skye worked hard at keeping thoughts about what happened at bay but, eventually, she wore herself down and started reliving them. She repeatedly recalled her taunts to Ward for not being a decent human being and for being weak. She cringed as she played telling him she hoped Garrett would order him to walk into traffic over and over in her head.</p>
<p>And then there were the what ifs. What if when he’d talked about wanting something for himself, she’d said something different, something more compassionate? Would that have swayed him from his Hydra path? Would that have brought them closer, enough so that they wouldn’t have lost each other? What if she’d let him know that she was into him too? Would that have made a difference? He’d obviously wanted to connect with her; he’d practically said as much.</p>
<p>But no. She’d been too angry to even consider that he needed her help, that maybe the great Grant Ward was more lost than she was. Even worse than remembering what she’d said to him was recalling the look in his eyes after she’d said it. Ward always did have a great poker face but she’d focused solely on his eyes. The look of pain in them cut her to the bone. And once Skye finally rummaged through his history, discovering the whole sordid tale of his family and his ties to Garrett, it was like he’d punched her in the gut and followed it up with a kick to the face. Ward may have been a super soldier but Grant was a victim.</p>
<p>Skye ran even faster, surprising herself at the speeds she was reaching. In the back of her mind, she realized she was punishing herself for not being a better person and that she would seriously regret it later. But she didn’t care. The few, carefully chosen teammates she shared her guilt with kept telling her that her feelings were normal. He’d kidnapped her, played on her feelings for him and then made what sounded like a threat. Why should she have been kind? She was just defending herself! But Skye knew better. She’d never been frightened of him. Even as Grant was advancing upon her with a gun, talking about waking up something inside of her, she hadn’t been scared. Maybe excited, definitely angry, but never afraid. She knew he wouldn’t hurt her.</p>
<p>But they’d never gotten the chance to end that conversation. May tackled him and the two of them commenced a Battle Royale in the next room. Skye hadn’t seen Grant since. Part of her wished they’d captured him, that she could’ve been able to say everything she wanted to say. Maybe she could’ve convinced him of the errors of his ways and he could atone for his sins. After all, his skill set was unparalleled. If Grant was willing to work for them again, she suspected SHIELD – especially Fury and the Avengers – would be willing to take him back.</p>
<p>But another part – the more realistic part of her – was glad he’d escaped. Skye had never, not even once, let on that she felt this way. Whenever the group listed off their complaints about Grant, Skye’s voice was the loudest. She was sincere in her anger towards him initially but, after a few weeks – and especially after she learned his backstory – her feelings changed. But the same couldn’t be said for her colleagues. Their level of animosity towards Grant was so high that his capture would’ve been a disaster. Her mind dwelt briefly on the vault cells in the basement, certain that’s where they would’ve put him to rot. And she didn’t want that for him. No matter what he’d done, he didn’t deserve that hell.</p>
<p>Skye didn’t know exactly how he’d escaped. True to form, May wouldn’t say a lot about her fight with Grant. When Skye asked what happened, May told her in clipped sentences that when she’d told Grant that Garrett was in danger (probably goading him with that information), it was like he’d gotten a shot of adrenaline. He’d knocked her into some equipment, then raced out of the door like a bat out of hell. By the time May ran into the hallway to follow him, he was gone. Coulson added what he knew: Grant barged into the room where Garrett died, took one look at the corpse and fled. It all happened so fast that none of the men in the room even had time to react.</p>
<p>Afterwards, SHIELD – Coulson in particular – tried hard to find Grant but he was a ghost. He hadn’t popped up in any groups like Hydra or AIM. No major crime syndicate seemed to have heard of him. The expectation that he’d be on the grid was low but regular checks showed no sign of Grant Ward or any of the aliases they knew about. Some speculated that he’d died but no body had been found. But just when they thought they’d never hear from him again, a number of calls came in over several weeks, directing them to a varying set of coordinates.</p>
<p>The areas specified always led to a remote location where a series of Hydra operatives, major criminals, and dangerous weapons (some initially stolen from the Hydra raid of the Fridge) lay waiting for SHIELD, all trussed up and packaged beautifully for pickup. Each pickup was accompanied by a piece of paper that said <em>Compliments of Grant Ward</em>. Coulson and the team were disgusted by his arrogance but Skye found the calling cards both interesting and somewhat charming. Here was evidence for anyone wanting to see that Grant wasn’t a lost cause, that he did still want to be a hero. But if anyone other than Skye held that opinion, they were keeping it quiet.</p>
<p>The speed of the treadmill suddenly started decreasing. Skye looked down in surprise, wondering if the machine was malfunctioning or if she’d accidentally turned it down. It was only then that she noticed Bobbi standing next to her. She’d been the one to slow the machine down.</p>
<p>Bobbi gave her an apologetic smile. She clearly wasn’t looking for a fight. “You’re going to hurt yourself, running that fast for so long,” she said lightly. “I was worried.”</p>
<p>Skye nodded, jumping off the treadmill after the belt slid her to the back. She bent over, putting her hands on her knees as she caught her breath. She must’ve been deeply engrossed in her own thoughts not to have noticed Bobbi’s approach. She could almost hear Grant’s voice scolding her for her lack of situational awareness. <em>Bite me!</em> Skye took the bottle of water Bobbi handed her with a nod and gulped thirstily, the cool water refreshing as it raced down her throat.</p>
<p>She wiped the water off her lips with the back of her arm. “Thanks,” she said as she tossed the bottle in the recycling bin. She smiled half-heartedly at Bobbi. “I guess I wasn’t paying attention.”</p>
<p>Bobbi laughed easily but Skye could tell that she was watching her closely. “I’ll say! I tried talking to you three times before I decreased the speed.”</p>
<p>Skye shrugged. “I have a lot on my mind.”</p>
<p>“Like what? Please tell me because I could use the distraction. We’ve been in lockdown for 60 days and haven’t had a mission for even longer than that! I’m about to go crazy!”</p>
<p>Skye’s smile was weak. There was no way she was going to tell Bobbi what she was thinking! “It wasn’t anything big. Just a way to keep myself sane.” She threw a towel around her neck and started walking toward the hallway. Maybe Bobbi would take the hint and leave her alone soon.</p>
<p>“Tell me about it,” Bobbi groaned, following after her, oblivious to (or pretending to be) Skye’s desire for her to go away. “Rumor has it that some of the agents in the Seattle base dyed their hair purple and made a huge mess doing it. Coulson’s about to have a fit.”</p>
<p>Skye chuckled. “Is that something you’d want to do? Seeing a Coulson meltdown might be worth it.”</p>
<p>Bobbi fake shuddered. “No, absolutely not. Dying my hair black to get in with Hydra was bad enough.”</p>
<p>“Well, if you change your mind, let me know,” Skye said breezily, coming to a dead stop and turning towards Bobbi. She backed away slowly. “I’m next in line for a supply run and I could easily get hair dye!” she called out as she quickly turned on her heel and headed to her room at a trot. Ha! Bobbi couldn’t follow her now without turning it into a confrontation.</p>
<p>Skye felt a surge of satisfaction and glee at outsmarting Bobbi. Her friend probably just wanted to talk to ease her own boredom but Skye didn’t feel up to it. She wondered why such a simple interaction – talking with someone who’d become a close friend – was something she wanted to avoid so badly. Normally, she would’ve been first in line for a traditional girl gabfest. As she stepped into the shower, Skye realized that pushing herself hard at the gym and outsmarting Bobbi was the most emotion she’d felt in weeks. With that, she was back to being depressed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Stocking Up on Essentials</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Skye walked slowly around the grocery store, examining displays closely even though she wasn’t the least bit interested in the products being advertised. As she’d told Bobbi a few days ago, it was indeed her turn for a supply run and she was trying to make it last as long as possible. But as distractions go, this one was a bit of a dud. There weren’t a lot of people around – certainly no one interesting – and wearing a mask was a drag. It wasn’t that she minded doing her part to take care of others; it was that the mask made it more difficult to breathe and felt confining. Skye was itching to feel free again.</p>
<p>She wandered into the baking aisle, hoping against hope that they’d have flour and yeast available. The Playground had an adequate stock of flour going into the lockdown but having to feed so many people for such a long period of time made a serious dent in it. Skye was craving fresh bread, so she was determined to search until she found some. <em>Score!</em> There were several bags of flour on the shelf! <em>We are so having fresh bread for dinner tonight!</em></p>
<p>As she hurried in that direction, she idly noticed a tall, well-built man in a black t-shirt and jeans grabbing one of the flour bags but, other than briefly admiring the nice chest and biceps emphasized by his t-shirt, she ignored him. Masks really cut into her ability to ogle men, yet another drawback of the pandemic.</p>
<p>Skye put the flour in her cart with a rewarding thump, then remembered she’d also need yeast. She turned back to the shelves, her eyes scouring them for the precious bottle she wanted so much to find. Nothing. Not a single speck of yeast. She sighed heavily, only then noticing the man in black standing a good 6 feet away, holding out a small container of yeast.</p>
<p>“Is this what you’re looking for?” he asked in a teasing tone. “Such a shame that this is the last one.”</p>
<p>Skye was about to say something snarky when the words got caught in her throat. Whiskey colored eyes twinkled at her. When she’d known him, his hair had been shipshape, kept severely in line just like his personality. But now, his black hair was styled in the just-got-out-of-bed look, more evidence (if she needed any) that he was different. The black mask obscured what was surely a smirk and a 5 o’clock shadow. She tried to take a deep breath, to force air into her lungs, but oxygen eluded her. “Grant,” she whispered.</p>
<p>He bowed slightly, never taking his eyes off of her, and made a tip of the hat gesture. “At your service.”</p>
<p>“I…what…you…” There was so much that she wanted to say but she had no idea where to start.</p>
<p>Grant laughed slightly, his eyes twinkling again, something she’d only rarely had the opportunity to observe when they were teammates. “I never thought that <em>you’d</em> be at a loss for words.”</p>
<p>She chuckled feebly and looked down, trying to prevent him from seeing the tears in her eyes. When she looked back up, he cocked his head slightly, his brow furrowed. <em>Too late.</em> “Yeah. Imagine that,” she managed to get out. Her breathing still wasn’t regular, another detail he plainly noticed.</p>
<p>“Hey,” he said gently, “I was just kidding about the yeast. We have more than enough, so you’re welcome to have this one.” He gestured at her cart. “If you want, I can put it in there for you.”</p>
<p>Skye nodded, looking down again, willing her body to be normal. Something he said registered and she jerked her head back up. “We?”</p>
<p>He ignored her outburst, leaning forward slightly to carefully place the tiny container of yeast in her cart, then immediately backed away. Grant still had yet to take his eyes off of her. Her tear-filled eyes met his and held for what seemed like forever. A tear escaped, sliding silently down her face.</p>
<p>Grant’s brow furrowed again. “Good seeing you, Skye,” he murmured. “Enjoy your bread!” He turned and left the aisle.</p>
<p>Skye remained frozen in place, her mind still processing what just happened. An older woman passed, giving her as wide a berth as possible in the small aisle. “Whew, honey!” she said to Skye as she pantomimed fanning herself. “I’m not sure I’d let that one go!”</p>
<p>Skye didn’t answer, remaining frozen in place until her body caught up with her brain. “Grant! Wait” she shouted, running to follow him. But he was nowhere to be seen.</p>
<p>She glumly finished her shopping, kicking herself for being so weird around him. The fact that he’d shocked her by his presence and his teasing demeanor didn’t help. <em>When did he get to be so playful?</em> Standing in the checkout line, unloading her items, felt like torture. She almost cried when the yeast made its’ appearance, riding away from her down the belt toward the checker. <em>We? Who </em>is<em> we?</em> The emptiness she’d been feeling for weeks, months really, hit Skye like a sledge hammer when the checker put the yeast into her bag and it was, once again, out of her reach.</p>
<p>Paying for the groceries and putting them into the back of her non-descript SUV felt like an out of body experience. Skye was there, accomplishing the tasks, but her body was on auto pilot. Once she reached her vehicle, she robotically wiped down the items with a Chlorox sheet as she transferred the food into the bags she’d brought with her. Produce that couldn’t be wiped went in one bag (to be washed later) while cold items went into insulated bags and the wiped items in another. While her body worked, her mind focused on the interaction with Grant. Her one chance to see him again, ask questions, figure out a path forward and she’d blown it. He thought she was weird or, worse, still believed she hated him. She got in the car, put the keys in the ignition but just sat there, her forehead resting on the wheel.</p>
<p><em>You’re a SHIELD agent, Skye! Get it together!!</em> In an effort to push through her lethargy, she drove to a restaurant and ordered take-out. This had been on her to-do list during her time away from the base but the plan called for her to stow the food away (in another insulated bag) for later, not eat any of it now. But Skye couldn’t wait. She dutifully put the hot items in her bag then took her cherry pie to a newly installed picnic bench, strategically placed to encourage customers to buy take-out during the pandemic. However, at 3:00 on a Thursday, Skye was the only one there. Her first bite was heaven, filled with cherries, sugar and firm crust. She was about to moan with pleasure when the hairs on the back of her neck rose.</p>
<p>Skye glanced up, her eyes scouring the parking lot. There, leaning against her vehicle in the sexy way only he could pull off, was Grant Ward.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Potential Infection</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As their eyes met, Skye again felt frozen. She had no idea what to do or what to say (Should she leap dramatically to her feet? Saunter coolly over to meet him at the SUV? Roll her eyes and pretend she didn’t see him?), so she took another bite of her pie. Big mistake. One of the cherries caught in her throat (probably trying to get past the lump that was there) and she choked. Before Grant could reach her, Skye quickly took a drink of water to clear her airway. It did the trick but her eyes were still streaming.</p>
<p>“You OK?” Grant asked. He’d removed his mask but was maintaining at least 6 feet of distance from her.</p>
<p>She nodded, unwilling to speak until she could do so smoothly. She was determined to not act like an idiot this time. He shoved his hands in his pockets, watching her in silence.</p>
<p>Skye took another drink and smiled slightly. “You knew I’d go for the pie, didn’t you?”</p>
<p>Grant returned her smile fondly. “You always head for it whenever you’re upset. You’re like a heat-seeking missile, only with pie.” His smile faded. “Clearly, seeing me upset you.”</p>
<p>The two continued looking at each other until Skye scooted down to the very edge of the bench and waved her hand toward the opposite end. “Take a seat, stay awhile.”</p>
<p>Grant nodded and sat down, folded his arms on the table in front of him and leaned towards her. “How are you?” he asked softly.</p>
<p>Skye closed her mouth, telling herself not to be surprised by this new Grant. Or maybe it was the old one, she didn’t really know. All she knew was that The Robot, the T-1000 she’d known as her teammate, wasn’t much for emotion or gentleness. That guy had been all business all the time. Skye wanted to kick herself for not recognizing earlier that it was just a cover, a way for him to accomplish his mission without getting caught or distracted. The Real Grant was obviously someone different.</p>
<p>“Well, this pandemic really sucks,” she said mildly as she took another small bite of her pie, looking everywhere but at him.</p>
<p>Grant nodded. “It does. But that’s not an answer.”</p>
<p>Suddenly, she was furious. <em>How dare he be OK when I’m not! How dare he demand answers from me!</em> “You really want to know how I am?” she asked in an aggressive tone.</p>
<p>A hint of wariness entered his eyes. “That’s why I asked,” he replied steadily but Skye could see him tense.</p>
<p>That made her even angrier. <em>He has some nerve!</em> “Hmm….let’s see,” she said sarcastically. “My SO – the one person I counted on, someone I thought cared about me – tried to seduce me, kidnapped me, shot at me when I was escaping, and then held me at gunpoint as he threatened to wake something inside of me. Which by the way, sounded if not rape-y then definitely creepy. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he left without a word and never tried to get in touch.”</p>
<p>Grant looked guilty but maintained eye contact with her. “Skye, I…”</p>
<p>But Skye was on a roll. There was no way she was going to let him get a word in edgewise until she was finished. “All of that left me feeling abandoned, <em>again</em> (she took great care to emphasize that word and was rewarded by a flinch from him), and wondering how I could’ve been such an <em>idiot</em> to fall for someone who obviously didn’t care for me the same way.”</p>
<p>Grant opened his mouth but she held her hand up to stop him. “Now I’m stuck with all these feelings about you that I shouldn’t have: missing you like crazy, wishing you were still my SO, having dreams about you that I can’t do anything about, and feeling guilty about how you were treated even though none of that was my fault.” Her voice lowered for a second and she looked away from him. “Although, OK, I shouldn’t have said that I hoped Garrett would order you to walk into traffic. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”</p>
<p>She resumed her loud voice and eye contact as she moved down the bench until she was sitting across from him. “And I can’t even tell my friends – people who <em>truly</em> care about me – about any of this because all of them still hate you and rightfully so because you killed people, dropped FitzSimmons into the ocean and betrayed every one of us for a mad man who abused you! And to top it <em>all</em> off, we’ve been enduring this stupid pandemic which is driving me crazy because there’s no end in sight!” Skye leapt to her feet, hands on the picnic table, leaning into his face. “You want to know how I’m doing?” she roared. “NOT WELL!!”</p>
<p>Grant stared at her, a pained expression on his face, until he finally dropped his eyes. Skye felt a moment of triumph. <em>Damn right, he should feel guilty!</em> When he looked back up, she was startled to see tears in his eyes.</p>
<p>“I deserved that. All that and more. You’re absolutely right to be angry with me.” He gestured to the parking lot. “If you want me to, I’ll go and never bother you again.”</p>
<p>Skye considered this for a few seconds, then dropped into the seat across from him with a huff. “I don’t want you to go. I just needed to get that out.” She glanced guiltily at her previous place at the edge of the bench away from him, tilting her head towards it. “Should I go back there?” She didn’t want to though. This was the closest they’d been in forever and, despite her anger, she was enjoying it. He was close enough to touch.</p>
<p>Grant smiled faintly. “There’s no use. If either of us was infected, the other would be now too. You were, to coin a phrase, spitting mad which, of course, is one way how it spreads.”</p>
<p>She nodded, chuckling a little. Neither of them said anything as Skye got up, retrieved her pie and water and returned to her seat across from him. “You can talk now if you want,” she said as she took another bite of pie.</p>
<p>“As long as I have permission,” he said with a teasing smile. It faded though as he captured her gaze, looking so earnest that she had to hold back a sob. This was the Grant she remembered, the one she’d longed for all this time. “I’m sorry. I realize that in no way makes up for anything I did and I can’t change what happened but I am very, very sorry.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “If you know about my history, then you’re aware of how much leverage John had over me. I thought I owed him everything, even my life.” He sighed. “But you’re right. He was a mad man who abused me. I see that now.” He looked down at the table for a second and then back at Skye. “I did a lot of things for him that I regretted doing but my biggest regret is how much I hurt you.”</p>
<p>Skye didn’t realize she was crying until the tears landed on the table in front of her. Grant reached over and gently wiped them away with his thumbs. Skye shivered slightly at how gentle he was.</p>
<p>“I wish I could make it up to you,” he whispered. “You’re wrong about me not feeling the same way,” he continued in a low voice. He was so quiet that if Skye had returned to her seat 6 feet apart, she couldn’t have heard him. “I did. I still do. Even John noticed. That’s why he made sure to work with the team so often. He felt his hold on me slipping because of you and he was determined not to let that happen.”</p>
<p>Skye told herself that she should let him have his time to explain uninterrupted, that he deserved the same courtesy he’d given her. But she couldn’t help herself. “But <em>we</em> were your family, Grant, the people who cared for you the most. Garrett may have expected you to help him but we needed you too. After he was captured, after we kissed for the first time, you could’ve just let him go and come back to me.” Her throat dry, Skye leaned forward to ask the question that was the story of her life. “Why didn’t you choose me?”</p>
<p>Grant tentatively took her hand that had been gripping the table, rubbing his thumb soothingly against her skin. “I wanted to. Skye, you have no idea how much I wanted to, especially after we kissed. But I was so arrogant, so sure I could do both. I’d spent years imagining John cared about me, that I owed him for how much he’d given me. I couldn’t just forget about that. I truly believed that if I could just keep the team safe while I helped him find a cure, then I’d be free to be with you for real. That’s why I let May leave Providence alive. It’s why I dumped FitzSimmons in the ocean. John wanted me to cross them off and I didn’t have any other way to save their lives. I knew they’d find a way to survive and they did.”</p>
<p>Skye started to tell him about Fitz’s brain damage but stopped herself. Now was not the time. That would be a story for later.</p>
<p>Grant shook his head. “Providence was its own kind of torture. I knew you were going to find out about me soon and it felt like I was watching the team disintegrate. Being with you made it seem like it was going to be OK.” He looked deep into her eyes. It felt like he was seeing into her very soul. “I wasn’t trying to seduce you, Skye. Everything I felt for you was real. It still is. You have <em>no idea</em> how much I wanted to be with you, to finish that drink, but kidnapping you was the only way I could get Garrett the hard drive and keep you off his radar. I thought that once he had it, he’d lose interest in you.” Grant paused, searching her expression. “I never would’ve hurt you. I hope you believe that. When you and Coulson were escaping, I wasn’t shooting to kill. You know me better than that. If I’d wanted to shoot you, you’d be dead. I just wanted to prevent you from leaving so I could keep you safe.” He snorted lightly. “I should’ve known Coulson would have something up his sleeve.”</p>
<p>She nodded. His explanation made sense. A sniper as skilled as Grant surely would’ve been able to hit them a few times, especially at such close range. She’d thought so even at the time and had been puzzled because there didn’t seem to be a good explanation for his behavior.</p>
<p>Grant looked away, his hand tightening on hers. “What happened at Cybertech was terrible. Everything kept getting worse. John was acting insane and I was going crazy because I realized that I couldn’t save him and protect the team. I didn’t know what to do.” He turned back to look at her again, his eyes filled with tears. “What I said to you wasn’t a threat although I can see why you thought so. It was…stupid of me. I was hoping we could find a way to be together, that maybe if you thought you were a monster, you’d forgive me for being one too.” He abruptly let go of her hand and sat back, his expression one of deep sorrow. “I’m sorry, Skye. I’m sorry for it all. I completely understand if you never want to see me again.”</p>
<p>Skye stared at him, her mind trying to process everything he’d just told her. Grant had said everything she’d ever wanted to hear him say, looking damn good as he said it too. But she had no idea how to respond to his story. Almost unbidden, her hand – the one that still tingled from where he’d been touching it – rose to caress the side of his face. As she gazed into his wonderfully expressive and beautiful eyes, all the feelings she’d been refusing to deal with, flowed over her. The lust she’d felt at Providence, the fury while they drank coffee at the café, the terror during the plane ride with Deathlok and Grant, the disdain when facing him down at Cybertech, and the longing for him she’d felt ever since.</p>
<p>Suddenly, she knew exactly what she wanted to say. “Grant, if I didn’t want to forgive you, I’d never have asked you to sit down.”</p>
<p>He let out a breath, one she realized he’d been holding while waiting for her response. He smiled, a tentative one that almost seemed shy. “So where do we go from here?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Joys of Quarantine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You’ve been in a good mood lately,” Trip remarked as he and Skye sparred. He’d just shoved her off-balance with his shoulder and grinned when she frowned at him. In response, Skye slammed him with a hard punch. As he staggered back, she dropped to the floor to sweep his feet out from under him. Trip fell hard onto his back. He shook his head ruefully as he got back onto his feet. “Girl, you learn fast.”</p>
<p>She grinned at him. “I’ve had some time on my hands.”</p>
<p>Trip laughed as he grabbed his towel, wiping the sweat from his face. “Isn’t that the truth?”</p>
<p>He picked up the two water bottles they’d placed by the edge of the mat and threw one to her. After drinking half the bottle, he put the lid on and looked at Skye. “A few weeks ago, I didn’t think I’d ever see you smile again and now it seems like you’re on top of the world. I know it isn’t mission-related since we haven’t been on any, so what’s up?”</p>
<p>Skye felt a small sliver of fear go up her spine but told herself to calm down. <em>It’s just Trip.</em> She shrugged. “Nothing in particular. It just occurred to me that maybe this pandemic has its uses.”</p>
<p>“Really?” he asked skeptically. “This ought to be good. Like what?”</p>
<p>“Like practicing my sparring skills so I can knock you on your ass.” She winked outrageously at him when he rolled his eyes. “And like having enough time to hack for fun instead of only using the computer for missions.”</p>
<p>Trip nodded thoughtfully as they both headed towards the toward to the hallway. “Huh. Those sound good but they don’t add up.” He paused in the doorway, a teasing grin on his face. “You don’t have to tell me the truth but girl, if I had to guess, I’d say you’ve fallen in love.” With that parting shot, he turned towards his room, leaving Skye gaping soundlessly at his back.</p>
<p><em>He’s wrong</em>, she mused to herself as she headed back to her room for a shower. <em>I was already in love.</em> If nothing else, the last few weeks had proven that. She smiled, thinking about how much more in love she was now, ever since she’d left Grant at that picnic table.</p>
<p>Once the coronavirus hit, supply runs had been a blessing and a curse. The person who went on the run got to go out and experience the world (or at least get a break from the Playground) but they also were forced to endure a 7-day quarantine once they returned. That way the virus – if acquired – had time to incubate before the agent could take the test to see if infection had occurred. Thankfully, no one had yet gotten infected. Given Jemma’s skill in biochemistry, it was strongly believed that if such an infection occurred, she’d be able to treat it but no one wanted to put her skills to the test. Thus, depending on the agent’s level of cabin fever, supply runs were either desperately desired or imminently dreaded.</p>
<p>Due to the large number of agents living at the Playground, Skye’s turn had only happened once, the day she ran into Grant at the store. Prior to that, she would’ve been miserable at the enforced solitude but once she saw Grant again, she was thrilled to be able to process their interaction to her heart’s content. It didn’t hurt that she also got to binge-watch movies and tv shows as much as she wanted. But the biggest benefit was being able to email Grant over a secure channel.</p>
<p>As she soaped herself in the shower, she thought back – not for the first time – to when their conversation at the restaurant ended. She enjoyed replaying those events over and over. It was the first time since Cybertech that she truly thought they might find their way back to each other.</p>
<p>Right after Grant asked where they went from here, his phone went off. He looked at his phone, got up from the picnic bench, and held up a finger to indicate he’d take the call and be back in a minute. Skye sighed as she watched him move to an area where he couldn’t be overheard. She had a feeling that their stolen time was up.</p>
<p>Sure enough, his expression upon returning to the table was resigned. “I’m sorry, Skye.” Grant smiled faintly as he sat back down. “I seem to be saying that a lot today. But I have to go.” He paused, looking at her as though he wanted to say something else. She realized that he was trying to ask if she wanted to see him again but wanted it to be her idea.</p>
<p>“I know this is going to be tricky with our situation but when can we meet again? We still have a lot to talk about.” Skye tried hard to keep the desperation from her voice. They’d just started working things out. She didn’t know if she could lose him again, especially now that they’d both admitted to having feelings for each other.</p>
<p>Grant nodded. “We do. But I don’t know…” his voice trailed off as he looked off in the distance. Skye knew him well enough to know that he was running scenarios, trying to figure out how they could continue seeing each other. He turned back, his mischievous expression signaling that he’d thought of something. “It’s probably a stupid question but do you think you could email me on a secure line?”</p>
<p>Skye snorted, rolling her eyes. “Hmmm….let’s see. Is the Pope Catholic? Do cows give milk?” She smiled when Grant chuckled. “Of course I can, Doofus.”</p>
<p>His smile widened at her term of endearment, almost as if he knew that Robot and T-1000 were no longer on the table. “Just a minute,” he told her. Grant went up to the restaurant window, retrieved some paper and wrote on it with the pen the employee provided for him. He then gave the pen back, squirted some of the free sanitizer they had at the window, rubbed it on his hands and came back to Skye. “Here’s my email address. I check it regularly so whenever you want to send a message, I’ll respond.”</p>
<p>Skye took the piece of paper, feeling like it was a treasure she had to protect. After all, it would be her only connection to Grant after he left. She wasn’t even worried it might be infected. She looked into his eyes, willing herself not to tear up again. Then she glanced at the writing on the paper: <em>Masterspy2000@Spies-R-Us.org</em>. She snorted in disbelief, the spell broken. “Really?”</p>
<p>Grant grinned. “Not my idea.” He stood up, his smile replaced by a vulnerable expression, one she’d rarely seen on his face. “Do you really miss me like crazy?”</p>
<p>“Believe it or not, Grant, I do.”</p>
<p>He smiled as he picked up her hand, gently kissing the inside of her wrist. Then he was gone, leaving Skye breathless.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Remote Communication: Old School Edition</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Once Skye delivered the supplies and settled into her 7-day quarantine, she immediately got to work creating a secure line for her emails to Grant. Even though it was child’s play to a computer genius such as herself, she checked and rechecked her security protocols because it would never do to get caught. Coulson would absolutely flip out if he knew she was corresponding with Enemy #1. On her first full day in quarantine, she was ready.</p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Friday</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I refuse to call you Master Spy but 007 seems to fit. Minus the British accent of course. I can’t imagine you pulling that off! </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You asked where we go from here and the answer is: I don’t know. There’s so much we still have to talk about. What happened to you after Cybertech? Who are you working for now? Why are you leaving “gifts” for us? Where are you living? When can we meet next? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hey, would you look at that! One of my English teachers thought she’d never taught me anything but I just used the 5-Ws of writing! OK 007, your turn!</em>
</p>
<p>Skye hit SEND and let out a breath. Grant told her he’d respond but he never said how quickly. It could be days, maybe even weeks, before he got back to her. If he was still doing spycraft – and from his email address it seemed like he was – then he could be on a mission and unable to check his email for long periods of time. She resolved not to obsess and spent the new few hours exercising, cleaning her small room and watching two episodes of her favorite tv show. But upon waking the next morning, she couldn’t resist. Knowing she was likely just wasting her time and making herself crazy, Skye checked on her account.</p>
<p>And there it was. An email from Grant with the subject line: <em>I bet you thought it’d take me days to respond, didn’t you?</em> She laughed, realizing once again just how well Grant paid attention to her. It felt good but also a little scary to be so truly seen. Skye took a deep breath and clicked to open the missive.</p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Saturday</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>If I’m 007, then you have to be Natalya Simonova, the woman whose computer skills helped Bond defeat the bad guys. And I’ll have you know that I can pull off a British accent like a champ. Maybe one day I’ll let you hear it. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s a good thing that it’s never been my life’s ambition to write a memoir because no one would believe half the things that have </em>
  <em>happened to me. After I escaped Cybertech, I hitched a ride with a delightful elderly couple in a RV</em>
  <em> on their way to Yellowstone. They appreciated someone who could share the driving and listen to their stories. It was restful and dare I say normal, a state of being I know little about. You and I share that, don’t we? For better or for worse, our lives have never been boring. Anyway, I left them at Yellowstone and returned to the place in Wyoming where I spent five years basically alone. I have a cabin there and needed time to think. That’s where Natasha Romanoff found me.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Yes, that Natasha Romanoff. At first I was suspicious, convinced she’d come to toss me into a cell and throw away the key. But when Clint Barton and Nick Fury showed up, I agreed to listen. As it turns out, there are more agents like me, people who’ve been brainwashed and abused, turned into weapons by unscrupulous organizations. Instead of throwing us away, the Avengers – the Black Widow and Captain America in particular – decided to do some deprogramming. They helped me realize that John abused me and that I could still do some good in the world. That’s why I’ve been sending SHIELD presents. I need them to know I’m not the bad guy they think I am. Also, Spies Are Us (yes, that’s the organization I work for now; Nat finds the name hilarious) is wanting to build a team, gain publicity. That’s why I leave a calling card. It isn’t just ego although good luck getting May to believe that! </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Just like SHIELD, Spies Are Us (We really need a new name but try telling that to the Black Widow. She’s as bad as Fitz at naming things!) has bases all over the country. Right now, with a small but growing membership, our bases are houses. I live with just one other person, Kara Palamas. Maybe you know her. She was a SHIELD agent until she was captured and brainwashed by Hydra after the Triskellion fell. Kara and I train and do missions together. We live near the Playground by design. The Avengers are hoping Coulson will eventually let us rejoin his command, so we’re trying to show him we’re valuable. We have to be close in order to do that. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>As for when you and I will be able to meet again, you tell me. I’m probably more flexible than you are.</em>
</p>
<p>Skye sat back heavily in her chair. Once again, she felt a wide range of emotions. Astonishment at the playful way Grant wrote (who knew the Robot had it in him?), relief that he was being cared for (finally!), jealousy at his relationship with the Avengers and the unknown Kara, and frustration at not being able to meet as soon as possible. She definitely would be in quarantine for another six days and then it was anyone’s guess as to how soon she could get out in the world again.</p>
<p>She wanted to reply immediately but realized that it wouldn’t be good to give into that impulse. The patience that her SHIELD colleagues, including Grant, had been trying to teach her was finally taking root.</p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Sunday</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Dear 007, I look forward to hearing your </em>
  <em>British accent. I’m a big believer in accents making people sound smarter. You need all the help you can get. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You’re right that I don’t know what normal is but I was finding some sense of it when we were on the Bus. Sure, we were flying around the world dealing with the crazy but you, FitzSimmons, Coulson, and </em>
  <em>May always had my back. I’d never had that before. The night after the Malta mission, when we were in the cargo hold and you said SHIELD wouldn’t turn its back on me? I never told you (I didn’t want you to get a big head) but that was so amazing. It’s what convinced me to really try to be part of the team. And all the dinners and game nights made us seem like a real family. I wasn’t the only one who felt that. I think destroying that feeling of family is half the reason they’re all so mad at you. We could do anything as long as we all were together. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>My life has never been boring but a lot of times I wish it was. I could do with a little bit of downtime although being in lockdown has been an eye-opener. It hasn’t been nearly as much fun as I thought it would be but it has made me face some things, like how I feel about you. I was so mad at you at first but I also really missed you. And once I understood your motivations, I got it. We’re a lot alike and if our situations had been reversed, I might’ve done the same things you did. Love – even if it is for a jerkwad like Garrett – is a powerful emotion. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m glad the Avengers are helping you. It’s about time someone did! I really hope they can convince Coulson to let you back on the team. If you have Captain America talk to him, I’m sure he’ll listen. You do remember all the Captain America memorabilia on the Bus, don’t you? The man is so obsessed it’s embarrassing. If Coulson does let you back on the team, maybe we could train together again. You’ll be impressed by how much I’ve learned since you were my SO. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I have no clue when I’ll be allowed to leave the base again. Trips outside are rare these days. I know for sure it won’t be for the six additional days I’ll be in quarantine. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>BTW, I know this is a secure line and all but isn’t everything you told me in your last email classified? How would Ms. Spies-R-Us (you’re right, that name is terrible) feel about you spilling all the deets to me?</em>
</p>
<p>Skye sent her email in the morning, then spent the afternoon feeling uncomfortable. She’d really opened up to Grant in a way that she hadn’t with anyone in a very long time, maybe ever. She hadn’t even let herself be open with Miles, guarding her emotions zealously because she wasn’t sure he could handle them. Miles was still a sore spot because she was upset with the way Coulson treated him. Yes, Miles had compromised national security, a move that ended in lost lives, but did he really deserve to be left in a foreign country with no way to get home? Couldn’t his situation have been handled differently? Even she had been cold to him before he left and half the reason he did what he did was because of her. She’d finally gotten the courage to look for him online and was relieved that he was back in Texas but it could’ve ended badly. The treatment of Miles was the first situation to trigger a level of discomfort within Skye about how SHIELD operated. It put her in a good position to look at Grant’s situation differently as well.</p>
<p>After she’d eaten dinner, Skye was tired of feeling raw. Grant would either respond positively to her emotions being on display or he wouldn’t. Deep down, she knew he would. And if they were ever going to give a relationship a real try, he’d have to. The time for deception and lack of communication was over. She went to bed, determined to check her account once she’d woken up. Sure enough, his reply was there.</p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Monday</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Dear Natalya, You’re going to love my British accent. And my French accent, my Italian accent and my Russian accent as well. I promise to let you hear them all. They might make me sound smarter but, if I do it right, you won’t be thinking much at all. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Being on the Bus with the Team was like living a dream and destroying what we had is one of my biggest regrets. I hope I get another chance to prove to them (and you!) just how much I care but, if I don’t, I’ll have to be grateful I got as much time with them as I did. It’s complicated. Some days I’m furious with John because he ruined it for me. Other times I remember that it was only because of him that I was with the team in the first place. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I hope Coulson will let me back on the team but I’m not sure he will. There were too many times I felt like his least favorite member, that I was there only because he was forced into having me. I got none of the grace anyone else did. Given that I was a mole, I realize that sounds whiney and ridiculous. Still, I’ve often wondered if Coulson was jealous of me. So I have no clue how the prospect of me rejoining the team will go. But you’re right. If anyone can convince him, it’ll be Steve Rogers. That man is so painfully sincere that you feel like a heel for saying no, even if it’s for something as minor as a second cup of coffee. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Thank you, Skye, for having compassion and understanding for what I’ve gone through. You have no idea how much it means to me. I just hope I’ll be worthy of it. And I have no doubt that I’ll be impressed with everything you’ve learned since I saw you last. You’re an amazingly intelligent and skilled person. I wish I’d told you that more often when we were on the Bus. You deserve to hear it every day. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I’m disappointed but not surprised that you don’t know when we’ll next be able to meet. This pandemic is messing everything up. We’ll figure something out. In the meantime, these emails are what gets me up in the morning. Well, that and training. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Nat’s fine with me telling you everything. They think it’ll help with my therapy. I’m not sure about that but I’m not going to argue! They’re also impressed with you and hope you’ll be able to help smooth troubled waters when our secret organization becomes public knowledge. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I’ve been meaning to ask about the dreams about me that you can’t do anything about. Can you tell me more? </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Zoom Meeting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Skye spent the rest of Monday going over and over Grant’s email, particularly the first paragraph and last two sentences. She’d been dreaming about what being with him romantically would be like practically since she met him (the kidnapping and first meeting aside) and now it just might become a reality. And whoever thought the T-1000 had such romantic depths to him? Although she’d imagined having sex with Grant would be fun, she didn’t think it’d be much more than physical. Their kiss in the janitor’s closet and subsequent make-out at Providence had no finesse, no gentleness. Sure, they were in life or death situations at the time but still.</p><p>But this new Grant was turning out to be quite different and she was definitely here for it. Her mind went over the details of her dreams. They hadn’t included him speaking in foreign languages or sexy accents but clearly they should have! She paced the confines of her room, getting herself more and more worked up until she finally dug out her vibrator from the depths of her bedside table, a toy she hadn’t used in months.</p><p>Skye considered what it meant that she hadn’t had sex with anyone since Miles, hadn’t even had an orgasm at all since Grant was revealed as Hydra. <em>I’ve been waiting for Grant!</em> She was startled by this information because it hadn’t occurred to her before. But it made sense. She’d fallen in love with him during their time on the Bus and hadn’t stopped. Plus, he was hot. <em>Duh!</em> Skye’s thoughts centered on him as she set her vibrator on the lowest speed, gently stimulating her clit. The movement felt so good against her flesh. She flashed back to watching him walk down the corridors of the Bus, towel wrapped loosely around his waist after taking a shower.</p><p>Unbeknownst to Grant, Skye had memorized his schedule just so she could see him half naked. Although she rarely saw the front half (lest he catch her staring), she totally enjoyed the beautiful line of his broad shoulders, the smooth expanse of skin across his back. For someone who had such a dangerous job, he was remarkably unblemished. And then there was the nicely rounded backside outlined in the towel. Her hands had itched to caress every part of what she could see. Those stolen glimpses of Grant in a towel sometimes made training difficult.</p><p>Her body started to tighten as she increased the vibrator speed, her hand grasping for leverage on the mattress. Skye’s thoughts turned to how Grant he’d looked at Providence when being treated by Jemma. His shirt off, nipples erect in the cold, 6-pack abs on full display ending in a dark happy trail. Combine all that with his 5-o’clock shadow and (God help her) the sexy, bad-ass scar and Skye could feel herself getting close.</p><p>Her breath quickened as she imagined running her fingers through Grant’s thick hair, holding his head in place as he thrust into her with all the power she knew he possessed. She felt the tingling at the base of her spine as the tension coiling in her belly finally released. Skye moaned loudly when her orgasm washed over her. She hoped nobody was passing in the hall or hanging out in the next room. As the aftershocks of her orgasm reverberated through her body and her breathing slowed, Skye’s determination grew. <em>Emails have been nice but enough is enough.</em> She needed a teleconference.</p><p>She spent the rest of the day creating a secure line for a Zoom meeting. When she was ready, she sent Grant a brief email: <em>I’m setting up a Zoom meeting for us. Can you meet me at 10:00 am tomorrow?</em></p><p>She was both surprised and not surprised by his almost immediate reply: <em>Of course! Are you sure this is a good idea?</em></p><p>Skye smiled as she typed her response: <em>No but we’re doing it anyway.</em></p><p>
  <span class="u">Tuesday</span>
</p><p>Skye woke early and burned off some of her nervous energy with a series of exercises. She was desperate to see Grant in person (well, as much in person as she could manage) but also worried about the logistics of it. What if someone heard her talking to him? She’d worked on soundproofing her room as much as possible but nothing was perfect. What if someone tried to call or knocked on her door during the call? She’d told Jemma and Bobbi that she needed that hour to meditate and do tai chi and shouldn’t be disturbed. But you could never tell what Fitz or Hunter would do. Skye knew this call was a terrible idea but nothing was going to stop her.</p><p>While she didn’t worry about the yoga pants she’d be wearing (he probably wouldn’t be able to see them anyway), Skye changed her shirt three times before finally selecting the lowest cut top she could find. She carefully brushed and curled her thick hair until it was as good as she could get it without assistance. She then applied makeup, taking care to outline her eyes and lips. Although she’d learn soon enough what Grant liked, she was pretty certain he was a sucker for both. After one final look in the mirror to adjust her top so it displayed the maximum amount of cleavage, Skye sent the Zoom link to Grant’s email.</p><p>Almost immediately, he clicked on and she filled her eyes with the hotness of Grant Ward. He was sitting at a desk in front of a blank wall. There was a window to his left but the blinds were closed. The room should’ve been dark since the overhead light wasn’t on but he obviously had a lamp close by. Skye mused to herself about whether Grant was Zoom savvy enough to know (or care) about how important lighting was to looking good on a call. She herself had checked the lighting in the room several times.</p><p>He was wearing a tight black t-shirt that showed off his biceps. She wondered if he just wasn’t into shaving much anymore or if Grant purposefully kept a 5-o’clock shadow knowing how good he looked with it. His hair was still styled with the mussed look, reminding Skye vividly of what she imagined when she came the previous night. She could feel herself getting a little flushed with embarrassment but didn’t look away. <em>He’s so gorgeous!</em></p><p>Grant was drinking her in too, his eyes almost caressing her face and then dropping lower to stare at her breasts. He gave her a half smile when his eyes once again met hers, almost as if he knew she’d worn the top just to entice him. After a silence that lasted for several minutes, Grant smiled, leaning in a bit closer to his camera. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” he said in a low voice.</p><p>“You too.” Skye swallowed hard. “I know this is ridiculous to say since I just saw you less than a week ago but I miss you.”</p><p>He nodded slowly. “Me too.” Then he sat back in his chair, looking resigned. Skye could guess what the next words out of his mouth were going to be. “As great as it is to see you, are you sure this is a good idea? I don’t want you to get into trouble.”</p><p><em>Yep. Just as I thought.</em> She smirked. “I appreciate the concern Grant but get over it. We’re doing this!”</p><p>He smiled and shrugged. “That’s what I thought you’d say but I had to ask. Given how risky this is for you, why now? What’s the urgency?”</p><p>Skye felt butterflies in her stomach but refused to let them stop her. <em>I’m doing this!</em> She took a sip of water and licked her dry lips. “There’s no <em>urgency</em>; I just wanted to have the discussion about my dreams face to face.”</p><p>Grant suddenly became still, his expression blank. Skye smirked, wondering if he was even breathing. “Okay,” he said slowly. A smile crept back onto his face. “I’m all ears.”</p><p>“There are actually several types of dreams I’ve had starring you but the ones I think you’ll be most interested in are when we’re doing missions with just the two of us,” Skye started.</p><p>“You’re right. Those do sound the most interesting,” Grant said in a low voice.</p><p>“They always start with us coming back from a fancy party. You’re in a tux while I’m in a very form-fitting dress. We’re done gathering intel or stealing information and are on our own for the rest of the night. You take my hand and lead me into a suite with a huge bed in the middle of it.”</p><p>He raised his eyebrows. “What are we doing in this room?” Grant cleared his throat to remove the huskiness from his voice.</p><p>“The first thing we do is drink some expensive red wine from the bar in the room. I drink all of mine but you leave a little in your glass.” She ignored his puzzled look; he’d understand later. “Then you start telling me in…Italian (Skye was rapidly improvising; she vaguely knew that Italian was a romance language, so it seemed to fit the situation) how wonderful I am.” She stopped, looking expectantly at him.</p><p>Grant, always a quick study, picked up the thread of the conversation. “Sei così incredibilmente bella. Ogni volta che ti guardo negli occhi, vedo la promessa del mio futuro.”</p><p>“Yes, something like that,” Skye said dreamily. This was going even better than she’d hoped. “You massage my neck and shoulders from behind, whispering in my ear about how beautiful I am and how much you adore touching me. Then you turn me around, dip your finger into the leftover wine, and put it into my mouth where I suck it off.”</p><p>“Is there a particular type of wine you prefer?” Grant asked. At Skye’s mock severe look, he smiled teasingly. “Please, continue.”</p><p>She admitted to herself how gratifying it was that Grant was hanging on her every word. And he clearly was taking mental notes. “We start kissing. You use your tongue to trace my lips, then move on to my neck and arms. I’m totally a neck girl in case you were wondering. There’s a spot right underneath my right ear that literally makes me tingle.”</p><p>Grant smiled in a way that was so sexy that Skye stopped talking for a moment. “Noted,” he purred.</p><p>She shook her head slightly, trying to get back into her rhythm. “Because you’re so good at multi-tasking, you take my dress off one shoulder at a time while you lick and suck where the dress just was. When you finally unzip it, it drops to the floor.” She smiled slyly. “Because the dress is so sheer, cut all the way up my thigh and open deep down the back, I’m not wearing any underwear. All I have on are my high heels, the heels that cause us to…fit…a little closer together.”</p><p>Skye wanted to marry the dazed expression on Grant’s face. “That sounds…” he swallowed hard, “…amazing.”</p><p>“You pull me over to a chair so you can sit down while I stand in front of you. Then you take more of the wine and draw circles around my nipples with it. The feeling of you licking it off them is amazing. You’re very thorough in covering every inch of my breasts with your tongue.” Skye wanted to fan herself because she was definitely getting hot. <em>Damn this pandemic to hell! I want to touch him right now!</em> She cleared her throat in an effort to refocus. “You want to kiss lower but it’s my turn.”</p><p>“It’s good to take turns,” Grant murmured.</p><p>Skye nodded. “I lead you over to the bed and make you sit down. The bed’s higher than the chair and gives me more leverage. After I remove my shoes – I don’t want them to get in the way – I take off the shirt you’re wearing so that I can run my hands all over your chest and arms. I’ve always loved them, especially your six-pack.” She smiled wickedly. “I’ve had dreams about just your six-pack. Now it’s my turn to do a lot of sucking and licking. I especially enjoy sucking your nipples and outlining each abdominal muscle I see with my tongue. You have such a beautiful body, Grant, that I want to touch it all. A lot.”</p><p>His eyes widened. “I definitely want you to touch me,” he said in a husky voice. Skye wanted to reach through the screen and kiss him. She sat on her hands instead. Grant paused, then cleared his throat. “And then what happens?”</p><p>“I drop to my knees so I can undo your belt buckle. You’re enjoying my touch; I can feel how hard you are, how much you like how I stroke you,” she said in a low tone. She held back a smirk when she saw Grant shift in his chair. “I take off your pants, one leg at a time, slowly running my tongue all the way up from your calf to your thigh. It takes a while but you don’t seem to mind. When we’re both completely naked, you gently lower us onto the bed.”</p><p>“Gently?” Grant asked. Skye wouldn’t have been surprised if he was writing notes but he was just gazing at her intently. She knew from experience that he was a master at details, so he was committing her story to memory for later. The knowledge didn’t make continuing any easier since she desperately wanted to quit talking about her dream and start living it. Or at least get some sort of release. <em>Why did I think this was such a good idea again?</em></p><p>“Gently,” Skye confirmed, leaning forward so she could feel as close to him as possible. “At least in this particular dream. In others, we’re all over each other.” She didn’t want to give him the idea that she only enjoyed gentle interactions. She had a feeling that Grant could be quite passionate and she definitely wanted to see that side of him. “You start kissing and suckling my breasts again, this time with more pressure. You only stop to tell me to be quiet.” Skye looked a little sheepish. “I can be loud.”</p><p>Grant’s breath was coming faster than usual. “Why would I tell you to be quiet?” he asked in a low voice. “I want to hear everything.”</p><p>Skye rolled her eyes. “We don’t want to be overheard because then someone might stop us.”</p><p>Grant snorted, as if amused by the idea that someone could stop them. At Skye’s irritated look, he rushed to say, “Please, go on.”</p><p>Her irritation changed to satisfaction. “You put one finger in me and then another so you can tell when I’m ready for you. I’m so wet for you, Grant. Even the feeling of your fingers drives me so crazy that I can’t wait anymore. I want to feel all of you inside of me! I roll us over so I can be on top. I’m straddling you, lifting myself up so I can sink down. And then…”</p><p>Grant leaned forward. Even through the screen, Skye could tell that his pupils were blown and his breathing had increased even further. “And then?”</p><p>Skye sat back, a smirk on her face. “And then I wake up, completely unsatisfied,” she said in her normal voice. “That’s the part I can’t do anything about.”</p><p>Grant also sat back in his chair and took several slow deep breaths. He smiled ruefully at Skye who was doing her best not to laugh. “You’re evil.”</p><p>“Not evil,” she said grinning. “I just wanted you to know what I’ve been dealing with the past couple of months. I mean, we’re supposed to be completely honest with each other now, right?”</p><p>“Completely honest,” he agreed. He shifted in his chair again. “I have to say, that was a really great dream. I’m glad I asked you to tell me more about it, especially since I got to see your face as you did.”</p><p>“Me too,” Skye admitted. “I really wanted to see your face too. That’s why I needed this Zoom meeting.”</p><p>He nodded solemnly. “I’m looking forward to recreating your dream in real life but maybe with a…happier ending,” he said with a deadpan expression.</p><p>Skye laughed out loud. <em>I like this new Grant!</em> “We probably should go. I don’t want to press my luck. But hey, before we do, what were you telling me in Italian?”</p><p>He gave her a lopsided smile. “I said, ‘You're so incredibly beautiful. Whenever I look into your eyes, I see the promise of my future.’”</p><p>As Grant kissed his fingers then tilted them towards her to signal his goodbye, Skye realized that he’d once again left her breathless.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Cabin Fever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">Wednesday </span>
</p>
<p>The day before she was to leave quarantine, Skye woke up feeling restless. Although her time spent in isolation had been amazing, she was sick of being in the same room and having her food brought to her. She loved communicating and talking with Grant but she craved the company of her SHIELD colleagues as well. Most of all, she missed being able to touch people.</p>
<p>Just like she had the day before, Skye burned off restless energy with her regular series of exercises. She was getting sick of them too. She longed to spar with someone – anyone! – and be able to walk to other rooms, even go outside if she could. Her room was starting to feel like a prison and she wasn’t sure if she’d even be able to last the day. She knew the only reason she felt this way was because freedom was around the corner but knowing that didn’t make her feel any better.</p>
<p>Her computer dinged, letting her know she had a new email. Skye rushed over to check, delighted to find an email from Grant. She laughed at the subject line: <em>Going crazy yet? </em></p>
<p>
  <em>Natalya, Word on the street is that tomorrow you’ll be free. The last hours in confinement are always the worst. Maybe you should tell me about your other dreams. No Zoom this time though. I don’t know if I could stand it. The cold shower after the last one just about killed me.</em>
</p>
<p>Skye grinned, once again appreciating this new Grant. Humor was definitely something she valued and the old Grant had struggled with it. She suspected the old Grant wouldn’t have enjoyed their Zoom call at all, preferring his sexual encounters to be straightforward and immediate, more a release of tension than anything to be savored. Of course, she didn’t know that for sure since they’d barely even begun their romantic relationship before he turned into a Hydra agent but, given how he was with May, she guessed she was on the right track. <em><span>He’s in a different place in his life now.</span></em></p>
<p>The thoughts did give her pause though, particularly with the weird mood she was in. <em>How well do I really know him? </em>Will<em> he hurt me again?</em> Skye wasn’t sure what she should do with these thoughts but, after some self-reflection, she decided to throw caution to the wind and immediately began replying to his email. After all, she had nothing else she wanted to do. The lure of movies and TV had waned and she’d finished all the books on her reading list. Tomorrow, when she got to rejoin the rest of the base, there’d be plenty to do, so she might as well spend as much time with Grant as she could. Maybe she could put some of her fears to rest.</p>
<p>
  <em>007, To be totally honest (like we’re supposed to be), I’ve had a lot of dreams about you. Some are good, like the one I shared with you last night, but others aren’t so great. Are you sure you want to hear about them?</em>
</p>
<p>Right after she hit SEND, Skye started questioning herself. She could’ve played along and told him about dreams she’d had that were similar to the one she’d revealed to him on the Zoom call. That would’ve been fun but her restlessness didn’t allow it. Maybe she needed to know just how serious Grant was about her, even when the going got rough. Her computer dinged; he’d responded more quickly than she’d imagined. She swallowed hard, telling herself to quit being such a baby.</p>
<p>
  <em>Natalya, I want to hear anything you want to tell me, especially if it involves you. I imagine you have a lot of feelings about me and we need to work through them all. I’m ready. But if you just want to talk about the books you’ve read during quarantine or tell me all the celebrity gossip, I’m here for that too.</em>
</p>
<p>Skye laughed. Here was more evidence of how lighthearted this new Grant seemed to be. The Robot never would’ve agreed to hearing about celebrity gossip. Then she got serious, ready to test the new him.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’ll start with the easiest and most recent. Ever since I’ve been in quarantine, I’ve dreamed that one or both of us come down with Covid-19. It’s probably natural enough given our situation but it’s still terrifying. In some of my dreams, I’m the one who’s sick. I go from just being miserable to completely unable to breathe. I’m desperate to see you, for you to hold my hand and take care of me through the worst of it, but you can’t. I keep calling for you but you don’t even know I’m sick. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>In other dreams, you’re the one who’s sick and I’m the one who doesn’t know what’s happening. All I know is that I can’t get in touch with you and I’m scared you’ve left me all over again.</em>
</p>
<p>Skye pushed SEND, wondering how he was going to take this. On the surface, the dreams made sense. There was a pandemic afoot, one people were dying from. But her fears seemed less about dying and more about Grant not being there for her. She waited an hour, unable to do anything other than pace her room, feeling incredibly raw. She raced to the computer when it dinged.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m not surprised you’re afraid I’ll abandon you again. I told you I wouldn’t turn my back, then I ran and you didn’t hear from me for months. You have a right to be upset about that but it’s complicated. When we were at Cybertech, I hoped you’d want to come with me and find out who you are. I didn’t know how to tell you how I felt so I ended up sounding insane and threatening. </em>
</p>
<p><em>Just thinking about that now makes me cringe because </em>how<em> over the top and desperate I was. One of the reasons I left so quickly after I found out John died was because I knew I’d messed things up between us and I couldn’t face it. </em></p>
<p>
  <em>I didn’t try to get in touch because I didn’t know whether you’d even want to talk with me. One of the last things you said was that you wished Garrett would order me to walk into traffic. I know now that you were angry and didn’t mean it but I’m used to people trying to get rid of me. I thought you wanted nothing more to do with me and I didn’t blame you for it. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It didn’t help that I was a complete mess emotionally. Thank goodness I was clear-headed enough to know I needed some time by myself without anyone to tell me who I had to be or what I had to do. After a few dark nights, the Avengers helped me realize I had to figure out who I am before I could be good for you or anyone else. </em>
</p>
<p><em>Please believe me when I tell you that I thought about you every day. Clint even told me once that if he heard your name one more time, I’d find myself with an arrow in a sensitive area. I constantly fantasized what it would be like for us to be together but I needed to get my head on straight first. I’m pretty sure you’ll prefer this Grant who has some knowledge of healthy relationship skills to that other guy who thought </em>asking<em> you to be monsters together was romantic. </em></p>
<p><em>About your dreams: I can’t promise </em>not<em> to get sick or get killed. No one can. But I can promise you this: the Avengers have sworn to me that, should anything happen to me, they’ll let you know immediately. At the bottom of this email is a number you can call any time and someone who knows my whereabouts will answer. You’ll never have to wonder about me. Do you think that’ll help? </em></p>
<p>
  <em>Whew! If that’s the easiest dream, then we’re in for a long day!</em>
</p>
<p>Skye chuckled. Leave it to Grant to cut past the nonsense and get right to the point. It was refreshing but also a little scary. She stared at the screen, wondering how much she wanted to get into everything. While it was difficult not to have these conversations in person, the distance created by the computer was somewhat helpful. It gave her time to think things through before expressing them. Skye was so lost in thought that the ding of the computer made her jump.</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe it’ll be easier if I guess at some things that might be bothering you. You shouldn’t have to worry about how I’ll react to the hard stuff. Here goes. First and most important, my feelings for you are real. I’m in love with you and I have been for a very long time, from practically the first time we met. I’ve never been in love before so it was (and is) a new feeling for me. I hope you’ll be patient with me as I work on being good at it. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I realize you think I chose Garrett over you. You may even think I wouldn’t have protected you against him. I was very messed up back then and am still working through a lot of stuff. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that I never would’ve let him hurt you. Never. And it was always my intention to save his life then return to you. </em>
</p>
<p><em>I don’t want to get too intense or scare you but you’re IT for me, Skye. There’s nothing I won’t do for you. There’s no pressure though; I just want you to know my feelings. You can feel about me any way you want. If Coulson won’t take me back and you choose the team over me, I’ll understand. If you ever get tired of me and want to leave, I’ll understand that too. I won’t like it but I’ll accept it. Loving you </em>like<em> I do means your happiness is the most important thing to me. </em></p>
<p>
  <em>Finally, you probably think you don’t know the real me. That’s fair because a lot of the time I’m not sure I know the real me. I’ve been working undercover for so much of my adult life that I’ve gotten lost. As I mentioned, the Avengers are helping me with this but it’s tough. I’ve still got a long way to go. You always seemed to know exactly who you are. Maybe you’d be willing to help me too.</em>
</p>
<p>Skye wiped her streaming eyes. While it seemed like Grant was living in her head, she’d had enough time by now to realize that he was incredibly observant and intuitive. She’d done some research and discovered that many abused children are hypervigilant and extremely attuned to others. They have to be in order to survive, to know when a threat was coming and how to prevent it. With help, many kids leave those coping mechanisms behind but Grant had to hone his even further. He went from one abusive situation to another and then entered into a lifestyle where those skills were essential tools.</p>
<p>She smiled to herself as she realized that she probably didn’t present much of a challenge to his ability to read emotions. Skye tended to be an open book, something she’d have to work on if she wanted to succeed as an agent of SHIELD. But maybe it was good that she and Grant were completely open with each other. It was the only way they could rebuild the trust between them. She resolved to stop being so scared of his deep knowledge of her. So far, he seemed to be trustworthy. She noticed that he took the initiative to be vulnerable with her so that she didn’t have to. It was one more way he’d shown himself to be thoughtful since that day at the store.</p>
<p>
  <em>The phone number is helpful. Thanks. Now we have to work on you being able to contact me whenever you need to. I don’t know how to do that though, so I’m grateful the Avengers are working on a plan. I’m desperate for you to return so I can see you every day but it has to be done carefully. The team is still very, very angry with you. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I get that what happened between us was complicated. I’ve had a lot of time to think while in isolation this week and I understand what a difficult time that was for you. When we were on the plane with Deathlok, you told me that one day I’d understand. Well, that day has come and I do. Really. But my whole life has been filled with people who’ve abandoned me, so it isn’t something I’m going to get over anytime soon. Fingers crossed that you’ll be able to help me with that. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m grateful you’ve had some time to heal. I understand you’re a work in progress (I am too) but maybe we can work on our issues together. Because – and this is difficult for me to say because I don’t do vulnerability well – I’m in love with you too, Grant. I have been for a long time. That’s why I was so furious you were Hydra. After Coulson and I escaped the Bus, I spent the whole night staring at the picture I’d taken of you in the diner, wishing things were different. I thought I’d gotten everything I wanted only to have it yanked out from under me. But here you are. DON’T MESS IT UP! </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m excited to know the real you. I for sure have liked what I’ve seen of you so far! But hey, I liked the old you too, so I’m probably good either way.</em>
</p>
<p>Skye hit SEND before she could delete anything, then sat back in her chair. Her thoughts went to the next day when she’d be joining her teammates again. She was incredibly excited about it but was also disappointed that it would be a lot harder to communicate with Grant. But as much as she loved him, she didn’t want to go back into isolation any time soon. To kill time, she took a shower and did a careful hygiene routine. She searched through her podcast collection to see if there was anything she could listen to while she waited for sleep to overtake her. When she was through with her activities, she discovered another email from Grant.</p>
<p>
  <em>While we absolutely cannot do another Zoom call, I wish you could see the huge smile on my face. Kara says I look like an idiot but I don’t care. YOU LOVE ME!!! I wasn’t sure you could ever love me, so I’m walking on cloud nine. I can’t wait to hear you say it in person! </em>
</p>
<p><em>You’re probably exhausted, so I’m going to let you go. Please don’t worry about when we’ll be able to contact each other again. The Avengers are working on things and I trust them. They’re a good, smart </em>and<em> caring bunch of people. I can’t believe how lucky I am that they decided I was worth redeeming. In some ways, I’ve been luckier than I have any right to be. That’s definitely true of my relationship with you! Goodnight, mi </em>amor<em>. Sleep well and enjoy your upcoming freedom.</em></p>
<p>Skye smiled as she turned off her computer. Once again, she thought that if this pandemic had an upside, it was that it allowed her to have a second chance with Grant. Then she went to download <em>The Princess Bride</em>, glad she could find a book about true love to lull her to sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Virus Vulnerability</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first few days after getting out of isolation felt wonderful. Skye was practically walking on air as she got to make her own food, eat with her teammates, spar, and even take a run around the outside of the base. Those things were great but she hadn’t counted on how much she’d gotten used to communicating with Grant every day and she missed him terribly. She found herself wishing she could tell him everything that was going on, all that she was doing or not doing. Grant was a keen observer of human nature and Skye really wanted to hear his analysis of situations or his humorous opinions of her coworkers.</p>
<p>As much as she wanted to, Skye couldn’t risk using her secure email because people could wander into her room as she was writing or she might have to leave her computer at a moment’s notice and wouldn’t be able to lock it down. To compensate, she entertained herself by thinking of things she’d tell Grant if she could. <em>Bobbi and Hunter are like magnets. You never know if it’s a compelling day where they’re joined at the lips or if it’s an opposite day where they’re repelled by each other.</em> After a late-night bullshit session, Skye wished she could talk with Grant about Trip. <em>How is a guy who comes from Howling Commando ancestry so laidback?</em>  After a while though, she stopped because having thoughts she wanted to share but couldn’t made her too lonely.</p>
<p>She told herself that Grant’s team was working on a plan for them and tried not to worry about it. But she wondered if he was going on any missions. If so, this was risky and she would be concerned. She also thought a lot about something she hadn’t had the nerve to bring up to him: his relationship with Kara. He’d talked about Kara casually but they lived and trained together. She’d also looked up her file and discovered that Kara was quite beautiful. Skye knew first-hand just how easy it was to become intimate with someone you lived and worked with so closely, especially if both people were attractive. <em>And, let’s face it, Grant’s incredibly hot.</em> Plus, his attention to detail and general skills made him a very desirable roommate. Some of the Playground agents weren’t nearly as accommodating and the contrast irritated her.</p>
<p>By the end of the week, the waiting to communicate with Grant was wearing on her. Other people were noticing too. Hunter made an unkind comment about hormones at breakfast one morning (Bobbi quickly shut him down, saving Skye the trouble) while Jemma asked twice if anything was wrong. Skye was grateful that Trip didn’t say anything but she caught him looking at her speculatively whenever he thought she wasn’t paying attention. She didn’t want to lie to her teammates but she also couldn’t tell them the truth. This made her interactions with them uncomfortable, something she really didn’t like since it once again made her feel like an outsider.</p>
<p>To make everything even more difficult, they got another of the COP calls. COP was what they were labeling the communications that led to the capture of enemy agents, illegal weapons and stolen equipment because they were Collect On Pickup. These mini-missions had become so routine that only lower level agents were sent to retrieve the “package.” Most agents didn’t even blink an eye whenever they passed someone carrying alien technology, a mass of weapons or captured enemy agents with glum expressions. Skye schooled her face not to react but she got a secret thrill from realizing just how much Grant was once again making himself into an asset. <em>This is going to work!</em></p>
<p>Skye was in the gym during the most recent return from a COP. She’d gotten a glimpse of people walking by with prisoners and equipment but didn’t let it distract her from the intense workout she’d devised for herself that day. Cold showers were for the birds, so instead of talking with Grant, she worked out. She was so heavily involved in perfecting her uppercut on the punching bag that she didn’t realize anything was amiss until she heard the team called into the conference room over the loudspeaker.</p>
<p>Skye wiped herself down as much as she could, then hurried into the conference room. Most of the team was already assembled. “What’s wrong?” she whispered to a grim-faced Jemma as she slipped into a seat next to her at the large oak table.</p>
<p>Jemma just shook her head as Coulson came into the room, his expression forbidding. He started talking before he was even completely in the room. “As you all know, we got another COP today. There was the usual calling card but this time it said, “Compliments of Grant Ward and Kara Palamas.” The disgust in his voice when he said Grant’s name made Skye squirm a bit in her seat.</p>
<p>“Kara Palamas?” Bobbi asked sharply. There was a slight, barely detectable undercurrent of fear in her tone.</p>
<p>Coulson nodded shortly. “Do you know her?”</p>
<p>Skye was puzzled by the way the always-confident Bobbi seemed to shrink at the question. Everyone else seemed startled by Bobbi’s outburst too, even Hunter, since they all were staring at her in surprise. <em>What’s going on?</em></p>
<p>“Not really,” Bobbi said quietly. “I’ve…just heard the name before.”</p>
<p>Coulson paused, looking like he wanted to say something more, then turned his attention back to the rest of the group. “Kara Palamas was a SHIELD agent, one of our best. She disappeared after the Triskellion fell. There’ve been rumors that she was captured and brainwashed by Hydra but the information was considered speculative at best. Her association with Grant Ward now seems to confirm those rumors.”</p>
<p><em>Oh, for Pete’s sake!</em> Coulson appeared to be straining to make Grant look bad, leading Skye to wonder if Grant was right about Coulson not liking him even prior to his reveal as Hydra. This was frustrating because it led to questions about Coulson’s objectivity about mission-related information. Hydra was the organization most hurt by the pick-ups, so anyone with any skill for analysis could figure out that they weren’t the ones arranging them.</p>
<p>Skye knew she should keep quiet since she didn’t want to raise suspicion about her relationship to Grant but she couldn’t help herself. “Why would <em>Hydra</em> give us these deliveries?” She hoped her tone sounded casual and not hostile.</p>
<p>“Skye’s right,” May said unexpectedly (This was so astonishing that it took all of Skye’s self-control not to blurt out, “I am?”) “It doesn’t make any sense for them to do that, especially since this delivery included Sunil Bakshi and two of his top lieutenants.”</p>
<p>“Bakshi?” Bobbi asked.</p>
<p>Coulson looked irritated. “Have you heard his name before too?” Skye sat up in her chair. Bobbi and Coulson always seemed to be close. Next to May, she was the one he consulted when anything serious was going on and Skye had seen them laughing together more than once. Something must be seriously wrong for the usually mild-mannered Coulson to be so sarcastic toward one of his favorite agents.</p>
<p>“Yes, sir!” Bobbi said. Despite his sharp tone, she seemed to regain some of her customary confidence. “He’s one of the top leaders in Hydra, second only to Daniel Whitehall. He was who I reported to when I was undercover.”</p>
<p>Coulson nodded thoughtfully. “This particular delivery does appear to deal Hydra a severe blow,” Coulson said in a skeptical tone at odds with what he’d just said. “In addition to capturing Bakshi and his top aides, we also got the Asgardian staff and the plasma particle beam that we found in Peru along with several other items stolen from the Fridge.”</p>
<p>Skye felt excitement trickle down her spine. The rest of the team might not understand the significance of the COP gifts but she did. This had to be the beginning of the big push to get Grant and Kara back into SHIELD. Grant’s team was upping the ante, offering important captives while also revealing the existence of Kara as a team member. And Grant was returning material that was taken because of his actions. Two of the larger gifts were even ones he’d had direct involvement with. The message behind the delivery was so crystal clear to Skye that she was starting to think the others were kind of dense.</p>
<p>“The Asgardian staff and the plasma particle beam were items Ward helped us get,” Fitz said. His speech had gotten much better since he’d been working with a speech therapist but he still had to speak slowly. “And he was involved in the raid on the Fridge when most of those items were stolen.”</p>
<p>Skye hid her smirk. <em>Maybe not everyone is dense.</em></p>
<p>May crossed her arms in front of her. “What’s your point?” she asked harshly. Skye winced. May tended to be gentle with Fitz (by May standards) and was generally one of his biggest supporters. Fitz appeared unaffected by her anger. He shrugged. “I’m not sure. But all these deliveries kind of seem like a way for him to say he’s sorry.”</p>
<p>There was a pregnant pause, then the room erupted into chaos as everyone started talking all at once. Skye could hear Jemma reminding Fitz that Grant dropped them in the ocean (<em>As if Fitz could forget!</em>), May saying no one should ever trust Grant (<em>Oh boy!</em>), Bobbi pondering the importance of capturing Bakshi (<em>More than you know, Bobbi.</em>) and Hunter commenting that they seemed to hate Grant Ward more than they do Whitehall (<em>Good point.</em>). Skye didn’t air her own views but just listened, trying to figure out who besides Fitz might be an ally for Grant. She’d just determined that perhaps Trip and Hunter could be won over but that Mack or Bobbi’s true feelings were still a mystery when Coulson’s, “That’s enough!” cut through her musings. The room immediately got quiet as all eyes turned to Coulson.</p>
<p>“We have bigger problems than Ward’s motivations. Ever since the coronavirus hit, it’s been standard procedure to check the temperatures of all captives.” The room was now deadly silent as everyone braced for what was to come. “All three Hydra prisoners not only had elevated temperatures but also exhibited other signs of the virus. They, as well as all members of the team that picked them up, are now in quarantine.”</p>
<p>You could’ve heard a pin drop. Although the virus was contained for now, the implication was clear: the coronavirus had penetrated their facility. Everyone was vulnerable.</p>
<p>Skye almost groaned aloud. Although she was scared of getting sick (<em>no thanks, those symptoms are definite do not wants!</em>), her larger fear was that she didn’t know when she’d be able to see Grant again. This new development was going to be a huge setback. “What are we doing to do?”</p>
<p>“For the most part, we’re going to do what we’ve been doing,” Coulson said. “Agent Simmons and her team have been preparing for this for months. They’ve converted the vaults in the basement into quarantine rooms and we’ve stockpiled PPE. We should be fine. But just to be sure, new safety protocols will be implemented. Everyone will be required to take their temperature before leaving quarters in the morning. If your temperature is elevated, you will isolate yourself until such time as you’re cleared for duty again. The entire Playground will be tested weekly and any gatherings will be limited to under 5 people. Time in the gym will be allowed according to a strict schedule so that everyone can exercise at least six feet apart. And no more sparring.”</p>
<p>The last safety precaution didn’t go over well – there was audible grumbling – but it was clear that no one wanted to risk exposure. The base was such tight quarters that infection would spread like wildfire.</p>
<p>“We’re not expecting any visitors for a while but if any come, they’ll be required to wear a mask at all times and their temperature will be taken upon arrival.” Coulson paused, making eye contact with each person. “I don’t need to remind you how serious this situation is. We can’t help anyone if we’re sick ourselves.”</p>
<p>Next to Coulson, May nodded. “No one’s saying the new protocols won’t be tough but, if we do this right, it’ll only be for a few weeks.”</p>
<p>Skye smothered a grin as she left the briefing room, thinking how odd it was to hear May try to be reassuring. This pandemic has brought out different sides to people. <em>Maybe it hasn’t been all bad.</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Infected</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Over the next several days, Skye found herself constantly reconsidering her thought that there was any positive aspect to the coronavirus. The week dragged as it seemed like time itself had stopped. Nothing was happening with SHIELD as they all appeared to be collectively holding their breath. Would they be safe or would the virus spread like wildfire through the base? There wasn’t much they could do personally either. No one felt much like cooking, larger gatherings were banned and working out was difficult given the restrictions.</p>
<p>Skye found that having to schedule gym time was a pain as was taking her temperature daily. Not being able to spar with anyone seriously cut into her fun and the moratorium on gatherings larger than 5 people was terrible. She missed movie nights, game nights and nights in which they sometimes just played music and took turns showing off their dance moves. None of this was allowed under the current restrictions, leaving a pall of worry and boredom hanging over the entirety of the Playground.</p>
<p>Skye’s thoughts dwelt resentfully on Bakshi and his minions since they were the ones responsible for bringing the infection into the base. And she still hadn’t been able to communicate with Grant. The lure of calling the phone number he gave her was strong but she knew she should only do that in case of emergency.</p>
<p>A week after Bakshi was captured, Skye found herself walking slowly down the hallway in no particular hurry. There wasn’t anywhere she wanted to go. She’d just finished some gym time and had nothing else planned for the day. There was a curious feeling of listlessness throughout the base, like everyone was tired of nothing happening and Skye wasn’t immune. She considered trying to find another book or podcast but had no real desire for either. She was entertaining the idea of talking with Fitz, maybe figuring out how he was feeling about Grant these days, when the outer door to the base opened and in walked the Black Widow and Captain America.</p>
<p>Skye stopped in her tracks, her eyes going wide. <em>What’s going on?</em> No one had seen much of either of them since the fall of SHIELD. Rumor had it that they’d been doing missions to take down Hydra and training with the Avengers. And, of course, they’d been working on developing their Spies R Us team but few people knew that. They were extraordinarily busy, so their unexpected visit to the Playground did not bode well.</p>
<p>Despite the ominous overtones their presence at the base indicated, Skye couldn’t help but geek out a little. Here were two of the Avengers, people she’d constantly heard about since joining SHIELD! Seeing them walk towards her, Skye couldn’t help but notice how much shorter and more delicate (if such an observation could be made about such a deadly person) Natasha Romanoff was compared to Steve Rogers. This was surprising given just how big the Black Widow had always seemed to Skye. <em>Maybe if I became a superhero, I’d seem taller too. </em></p>
<p>Once she got over her initial shock, Skye took the opportunity to size up Steve Rogers. She’d been privy to a number of conversations about Captain America by the female agents over the last few months. His romantic life was hashed over endlessly by those hoping to be noticed by him. They went over and over the fact that he didn’t seem to date. Skye found it sweet that Steve seemed to be faithful to his one true love who, although afflicted with Alzheimer’s, was still living. On the other hand, it sounded lonely. Despite all the talk about him (and of course, she’d seen endless pictures in Coulson’s office), she’d never had the opportunity to see Steve in person. The Black Widow occasionally dropped by the base but Captain America was more elusive.</p>
<p>After her first glimpse, she was sorry she hadn’t been seeing him on a regular basis. <em>Whoo, boy!</em> A sudden urge to fan herself swept over her and she made certain her jaw wasn’t hanging open. No wonder the female agents went crazy for this guy! If Skye wasn’t already in love with Grant, she easily could’ve had a thing for Steve Rogers. His yummy pecs, slim waist, beautiful blue eyes and the confidence in which he held himself all served to make him an incredibly handsome man. Combine that with his high standard of morality and loyalty and he was definitely dreamy.</p>
<p>However awesome Captain America was though, this was not the time to get to know him better. He clearly was on a mission and had no time for Skye to gush over him. Both Steve and Natasha had serious expressions on their faces, something Skye noticed because neither had on a mask. <em>Coulson’s going to rip them a new one over that!</em> Ever since the captives with Corona showed up, Coulson had been on a tear about safety, yelling at people who weren’t social distancing adequately or who, when leaving the base for the odd grocery run or meeting, weren’t wearing their masks appropriately.</p>
<p>Skye opened her mouth to point this out to the Avengers but closed it abruptly. She didn’t want to antagonize them, especially since they were supposed to be helping figure out when she and Grant could meet again. And, to be honest, it would’ve been a shame to cover up Captain America’s face. Skye looked down at the floor, feeling disloyal to Grant for even thinking that, but looked up just as both Avengers nodded to her as they passed, striding purposefully towards Coulson’s office.</p>
<p><em>Why are they here?</em> Skye was so desperate for something new to focus on, she didn’t even care if it meant eavesdropping on Coulson and the two Avengers. She had to know what was going on! Without even thinking, she turned on her heel and followed Natasha and Steve, trying to stay far enough behind that they wouldn’t notice her. Although, given her status as a spy, Natasha totally would. Clearly, since she didn’t bust Skye for it, she didn’t care.</p>
<p>Skye scooted as close to Coulson’s office as she dared without being seen. Thankfully, the door to his office wasn’t shut, so she was able to hear everything even from a few feet away.</p>
<p>“Natasha. Capt…Steve,” Coulson said with a lilt of surprise in his voice. “I wasn’t expecting you until next month. While it’s always a pleasure to have you visit the Playground, I have to point out that you’re flaunting our safety protocols.”</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Steve said, “but we don’t have a lot of time.”</p>
<p>“This wasn’t planned, Phil,” Natasha added. “Normally we’d go through the usual channels but two members of our team are in trouble and we need your help.”</p>
<p>“Two of the Avengers are in trouble?” Coulson asked, alarm causing his voice to be higher than usual. “I don’t know if we’re equipped to help them here. Can’t Stark do anything or is he one of the ones needing help?”</p>
<p>Skye smirked to herself, thinking about Tony Stark needing help. He was a brat in the best of circumstances but add in the kind of vulnerability illness or injury would bring and he would be insufferable.</p>
<p>“It isn’t any of the Avengers,” Steve replied. “I know you haven’t been briefed on this but we’ve been building a new team, one made up of formerly brainwashed people.”</p>
<p>“Brainwashed spies? That seems dangerous,” Coulson commented.</p>
<p>“It isn’t as dangerous as it sounds and, quite frankly, with Hydra’s infiltration of SHIELD, we need the help,” Natasha explained. “We’ve identified a number of people with special skills who either were actively brainwashed or gradually indoctrinated. They’ve been able to get rid of their original training and all are grateful and willing to work for us.”</p>
<p>“I’m glad you’re trying to help them but are you sure they’re reliable?” Coulson didn’t sound convinced.</p>
<p>Given what she knew of Coulson, Skye didn’t blame him. He was always so steadfast and sure in his beliefs that it would be difficult for him to understand how someone could so drastically influence his thinking. He also didn’t have the vulnerability many people susceptible to brainwashing had. Grant, for instance, struggled with believing that people might like him just for himself rather than because he was what they wanted him to be. Skye was self-aware enough to know that she could’ve ended up brainwashed as well; she was just lucky that she hadn’t met the wrong person. She resolved to have a conversation with Coulson about brainwashing later. He needed to be less judgmental and more open to the idea that people can change.</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Natasha said with an edge in her voice. “Do you consider me reliable?”</p>
<p>Skye would’ve given a lot of money to see Coulson’s face but, sadly, she had to stay hidden if she wanted to continue eavesdropping. She was grateful Natasha seemed to be building the groundwork for her upcoming conversation with Coulson about compassion, change and trust.</p>
<p>“That’s not what I meant, Natasha. You’ve proven yourself to be vitally important to SHIELD and to the Avengers. I just worry that other people may not have the same kind of dedication.”</p>
<p>“We can argue about this later,” Steve cut in impatiently. “Right now, two members of our team have been infected by the coronavirus and they need assistance. Director Fury said that the Playground was best equipped to handle the virus, so we brought them here. Can your team help them?”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Coulson replied quickly, “we’ll give them whatever they need.” There was a long pause and Skye cursed her inability to see what was happening. “Is there a problem?”</p>
<p>“We’re aware that your team has a…history…with one of our agents and we don’t want that to be an issue,” Steve said carefully.</p>
<p>Skye felt like someone punched her in the stomach as she connected the dots. Bakshi and his aides had the coronavirus. Grant and Kara captured them. They were the agents who were infected! “No!” she whispered. Fear knotted her stomach as she struggled to remain calm. It took everything she had not to run into Coulson’s office and demand he save Grant and Kara. In that moment, Skye channeled all her hope into Captain America. If anyone could convince Coulson, it would be him.</p>
<p>“What do you mean, history?” Coulson sounded puzzled. He clearly hadn’t figured it out yet.</p>
<p>“Our sick agents are Kara Palamas and Grant Ward,” Natasha said with the air of someone pulling off a bandaid to get the pain over with. “We know your team had a bad experience with Agent Ward when he was with Hydra but we’ve been working with him, helping him throw off his brainwashing, ever since. Phil, we’re the ones who’ve had him deliver packages to you for the past few months. And now he’s sick and needs your help.”</p>
<p>There was another pause, a longer one this time. “Are you telling me that you want me to ask my team to provide assistance to <em>Grant Ward</em>, the man who killed any number of SHIELD agents and dropped two of my people into the ocean?” Coulson asked incredulously.</p>
<p>“That’s exactly what we’re telling you,” Steve said calmly. “We know this is a lot to process, Agent Coulson, and, believe me, we aren’t discounting the pain Agent Ward caused you and your people. Nat and I are more than willing to discuss what we’ve been doing with our new team and how they’re no longer the people they were but it’ll have to wait as Grant and Kara need help immediately. They’re dedicated agents who’ve been doing a lot of good work and they deserve a second chance. We’ll take them somewhere else if we have to but we hoped you’d do the right thing. Will you help them?”</p>
<p>Skye closed her eyes, praying Coulson would agree to it. Steve made a good case. His voice practically radiated sincerity and Coulson was a sucker for that but his antipathy towards Grant was strong. She honestly had no idea which way he’d go. Her eyes popped open when she heard the sounds of movement coming from the office and she scurried backwards. She barely had time to back up enough to make it look as though she was just happening to walk down the hall. <em>I shouldn’t have bothered</em>, she thought as Coulson passed her without even a glance in her direction. Skye slowly let out the breath she’d been holding. <em>Thank goodness!</em></p>
<p>Steve followed closely behind Coulson with only a nod in her direction but Natasha made eye contact with Skye as she rounded the corner from Coulson’s office. “Stay close,” she said in a low voice as she passed. “Grant will want to see you.”</p>
<p>Skye didn’t need any further invitation. She could feel her stomach roil as the implications of Grant’s illness hit her. <em>He has Covid19, the virus we’ve all spent weeks in isolation to avoid!</em> It was all she could do to keep from crying as she trailed behind the Black Widow as they entered the hangar. <em>They wouldn’t have brought him here if it wasn’t serious. </em></p>
<p>Two hospital gurneys sat at the top of the ramp leading into the Avengers’ aircraft. They hadn’t been pushed into the Playground’s hangar, as they were waiting to see if they had to seek help elsewhere before they made a huge effort.</p>
<p>Skye felt her knees weaken when she saw Grant lying on one of the beds. She grasped a nearby table, leaning on it for support as she gathered the energy to rush towards Grant. <em>Get it together, Skye! He needs you!</em> Just as she started to push off from the table, two very powerful arms held her back. His grip felt like concrete but was also light, as if Captain America was making sure he didn’t crush or even bruise her skin as he kept her restrained. Skye swung her eyes in his direction, ready to yell at him for preventing her from going to Grant.</p>
<p>“You can’t get close without a mask, face shield and gown,” Steve told her, his blue eyes serious. “And you can’t touch him. This virus is highly contagious. Grant would never forgive me if you got sick.”</p>
<p>Skye felt her anger deflate, fear once again filling her with dread. She nodded and ignored Coulson’s wide-eyed look as she rushed to put on the N95 mask and face shield that Natasha gave her. It looked like this was now standard issue in the hangar, no doubt as part of the extra precautions put into place days ago. While she hurriedly put on the PPE, a small part of her brain wondered why Steve wasn’t bothering to put on protective gear. Natasha was standing back, the tiniest bit of apprehension in her eyes, but Steve didn’t look bothered.</p>
<p>Her question must’ve been written on her face because he gave her a faint smile. “My regenerative abilities make catching a virus impossible. I haven’t been sick at all since the 1940s.”</p>
<p>Skye placed the N95 mask over her face, wondering how anyone could stand wearing it, especially for the long periods of time medical professionals were enduring across the world. She hated the feeling of her breathing being constricted but she ignored it. If this was what it was going to take to see the man she loved, she’d bear it.</p>
<p>She carefully sidled up to Grant and stopped, horrified by how terrible he looked. His face was flushed and sweaty and it sounded as if his breathing was slightly labored. His eyes were closed. Kara Palamas was in the other bed. While she certainly didn’t appear well, she didn’t seem as bad off as Grant. Kara looked tired, feverish and uncomfortable but she didn’t look critically ill.</p>
<p>Skye returned her attention to Grant. “Hey,” she said softly, wondering if he was even conscious or if could even hear her through the layers of material.</p>
<p>Grant’s eyes popped open at the sound of her voice. He tried to smile but all he could manage was a sickly upward twist of his lips. His eyes never left her face.</p>
<p>Skye did her best not to cry, knowing that her tears would fog the face shield and make the mask less effective. Seeing her cry would also disturb Grant, so she put on her biggest fake smile, hoping he could see it through all her face coverings. “If you wanted to see me, all you had to do was call.”</p>
<p>He opened his mouth to reply but shut it when Steve said firmly, “Don’t try to talk, Grant. Save your strength.”</p>
<p>Skye kept looking into Grant’s eyes but listened as Natasha talked with Coulson. They were standing some distance away but, in the empty hangar, their words carried. “You can see how bad off they are, Phil. We need to get them treatment or they’re going to get worse.”</p>
<p>Coulson hesitated, looking over at Skye, Grant and Steve. She sensed that this was a turning point for both of them, that she wouldn’t be able to stand it if he turned them away. Her eyes met Coulson’s. “Please, AC,” Skye said, her voice breaking. “We have to help them!”</p>
<p>She held her breath, hoping Coulson could see her desperation and grief through all the layers. This was it. This was when he’d decide whether he would take the road of compassion and forgiveness or if he lost his soul and became as unyielding as Hydra. She felt a shiver of dread as she considered that she didn’t truly know what he’d decide. The Coulson she knew, the kind man who recruited her, would’ve already agreed to help but the Coulson who emerged after the fall of SHIELD was a different person. That guy was broken, angry and bitter. She just hoped that the Coulson she loved wasn’t yet lost.</p>
<p>When Coulson sighed and nodded, Skye almost collapsed with relief. Not only was her Coulson back but he was going to save the man she loved.</p>
<p>“Skye, since you’re already prepared and Captain Rogers isn’t in any danger, why don’t the two of you push Agent Palamas and Agent Ward’s beds to the Covid unit? I’ll make sure they get treated immediately.” Coulson didn’t even wait for their nods as he turned around and headed to the hallway.</p>
<p>Natasha gave them a lopsided smile before following Coulson.</p>
<p>“Are you ready?” Skye asked Captain America, her relief almost making her feel almost giddy. At his nod, she answered, “Then let’s do this!” She pushed the bed – surprisingly light even with Grant in it – down the gangway. “Hold on, Grant,” she whispered to him. “Things are about to get better!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Fear and Dread</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As an orphan, Skye had to make up stories about her life because there was no family around to talk about her history. There were no parents to bore people with pictures and stories about how adorable she’d been as a baby or how brilliant her first words showed her to be. There were no grandparents to reveal how her parents met, fell in love and decided to start a family. She had no idea of who she came from, what her genetics were, or even what events had befallen her before she could remember. The nuns from St. Agnes tried their best to give her some of that history – from the little they knew – but they were too busy to talk much.</p>
<p>As a result, one of her favorite games had been to label her life, to tell stories about herself to anyone who would listen. She spent long nights regaling Miles and their fellow Rising Tide hactivist friends with her “origin story” (as she labeled it) about surviving in the orphanage as a small child. From there, she launched into tales of her Wonder Years followed by accounts of her adolescence she labeled The Facts of Life. Skye learned early that if the stories she’d weave were humorous or exciting, she was much more likely to hold someone’s interest. No one wanted to hear tales of woe. And she couldn’t let herself be drawn into her sob stories either; it was too hard to come back from that.</p>
<p>She didn’t stop her game once she joined SHIELD either. Trip was the only one who giggled when she’d revealed that the label for her year (and counting) with SHIELD was her Freaks and Geeks period. She could always count on Trip to understand her pop cultural references more than anyone else on base. It was almost like the rest of them had been too focused on their education or skills training to spend time watching TV. Hunter was the only other one who liked TV but his taste in shows was different, more <em>Survivor</em> and <em>Naked and Afraid</em> than <em>Mr. Robot</em>. But for Skye, movies and TV had been a vital escape, allowing her to vicariously live a much more interesting and fulfilling life than the one she had.</p>
<p>However, the time following Grant’s infection was no laughing matter and she had no funny label for it. Instead, Skye decided to call the days prior to Grant coming to the Playground the Before and the time later as the After. While the Before had been challenging, it was nothing compared to the After. As she’d propelled Grant’s bed down the hall towards the medical unit that was going to save his life, Captain America pushing Kara’s bed by her side, she’d believed that things were looking up. Grant was finally on base with her, just like he should be. Yes, he was sick but Jemma would cure him and things could return to normal in no time. Later, she’d laugh at how naïve she’d been.</p>
<p>The first sign there was going to be trouble was when she pushed Grant’s bed into the Covid unit. Jemma and her fellow medical professionals had obviously already been told they had more infected patients because they entered the room filled with ventilators, oxygen, digital monitors and beds already clad in their PPE. However, as Skye watched Jemma’s face darken with anger as she talked with Coulson out in the hall, it was clear she was just now finding out who one of her patients was. Skye shifted uncomfortably the longer Jemma and Coulson talked, wondering just how much pushback she was going to get for her relationship with Grant.</p>
<p>Steve seemed to share her thoughts. “I’m sure I don’t have to tell you this but what’s right isn’t always what’s easy,” he said in a low voice. He glanced back at Coulson and Jemma still talking in the hall then refocused on Skye. His gaze was so intense that she suddenly felt shy. “You may be in for a rough couple of weeks but they’ll come around.”</p>
<p>“And if they don’t?” she practically whispered. Giving voice to her fear too loud might make it come true.</p>
<p>He smiled faintly. “Then you always have a place with our team.”</p>
<p>She barely had time to nod back at him before Jemma appeared at her side, eyes blazing but her jaw set. “Captain Rogers, Skye, I must ask you to leave now. My team and I need to see to our patients,” she said in her Dr. Simmons’ voice. Skye hesitated, not wanting to leave Grant in such a vulnerable state with someone so angry at him. Jemma must’ve realized this because she said in a low voice, “Whatever differences I may have with someone, no matter what they’ve done to me, whenever they become my patient, it’s my duty to care for them as best I can.”</p>
<p>While this was somewhat reassuring to hear, Skye still flinched at the underlying ferocity in Jemma’s voice. She wanted to argue that what Grant did to Jemma wasn’t that bad, that there were reasons for his actions and he’d probably saved her life (again), but she knew now wasn’t the time. Grant needed immediate treatment and Jemma wasn’t ready to listen.</p>
<p>“We brought our agents here because we knew they’d be in the best hands,” Steve said loudly. “Thank you all for doing such tough work. The Avengers and I are grateful.” It was difficult to tell what he was thinking behind his blank expression but Skye suspected Captain America was trying to encourage Jemma and her team to do their best while also letting them know that he and the Avengers would be watching. He made eye contact with each member of the medical team, patted Kara on the shoulder and left.</p>
<p>Skye looked down at Grant. His eyes were closed, his face even more flushed than it had been when she first saw him. She longed to touch him, to put her hand on his cheek so he’d know she was there but this stupid virus denied both of them that small comfort. “I have to go now,” she told him. She stopped, uncertain what to say next. Should she tell him to get better? He was undoubtedly trying to do just that, so it would sound stupid. She wanted to let him know how much she cared, how lost she’d be without him if he didn’t get well, but wasn’t sure if it would be appropriate. Would Grant even appreciate sentiment when he was fighting for his life? At a loss, she glanced over at Kara who smiled slightly and nodded encouragingly, almost like she was giving Skye permission to say what needed to be said. <em>Time to go for broke.</em> “I love you, Grant. I’ll be back when I can.”</p>
<p>His eyes opened slowly, like it was both difficult and painful to do. He didn’t try to smile but she could tell in his expression that he’d not only heard what she said but was happy she’d said it.</p>
<p>He seemed to be the only one though because Jemma said in a hostile tone, “You really need to go now, Skye.” She waited until Skye nodded her acquiescence, then said, “You can take off your PPE and clothes over there.” She pointed at the adjoining room. “Place them in the container provided. Protocol dictates that you cannot leave that area until you’ve taken a shower and put on the clean clothes waiting there for you.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Jem,” Skye said softly as she backed away from the bed. She raised her hand in farewell to Kara, deeply grateful for her generosity. Kara clearly didn’t feel well and was battling a bad illness yet she still extended herself so that Grant could hear something that would make him feel at least the tiniest bit better. All her previous jealousy over Kara evaporated in that moment, especially since Skye wasn’t sure she would’ve expressed her love for Grant had Kara not been there.</p>
<p>The short walk to the decontamination room was its own special kind of hell as Skye considered just how much danger she might’ve put herself in by being so close to the coronavirus. <em>It’s all well and good for Captain America. He’s immune!</em> she grumbled to herself, trying to drown out her terror with humor. But it fell flat. While she knew logically that younger and healthier people tended to have an easier time with the virus (how could she <em>not</em> know given the multiple briefings on the pandemic Coulson insisted everyone on the base attend), nothing was certain. And, of course, there was Grant. He was young and in incredible shape, yet he seemed very sick.</p>
<p>Skye slowly took off her gown, gloves, mask, and face shield, trying to ignore the feeling of touching a biohazard. <em>Is this what’s going to kill me?</em> she thought as she took off her clothes. Then she gave herself a mental shake. Yes, she’d taken a big risk but she’d done it for Grant. He wouldn’t have hesitated to do it for her. She smiled to herself as she thought back to one of his lessons as her Supervising Officer.</p>
<p>“Courage is a fleeting emotion,” he’d told her after she’d frozen during a training exercise. Skye had been embarrassed by her fear and how it affected her, especially by something that wasn’t even real. Grant could’ve taken the opportunity to mock or make her feel bad but he chose gentleness instead. “No one can be courageous all the time. That’s why we train so hard. Your training will kick in so you’ll focus on what you need to do instead of how you feel.”</p>
<p>When Grant first became her SO, she’d found him cold, abrupt, and impatient. But after the gravitonium mission when they’d connected over the punching bag in the cargo hold, she’d detected a softening in him, like he’d decided she was worth the effort. Even so, Skye still thought he was a harsh taskmaster. It was only in looking back that she realized just how gentle he’d actually been. Grant always made sure she ate well, remained hydrated, got plenty of sleep, and he never seemed to mind explaining concepts over and over until she mastered them. He answered her many questions and occasionally laughed at her jokes.</p>
<p>Best of all, he never made fun of her fears. During a particularly terrifying briefing, his seat next to hers allowed him to notice her wide eyes and shallow breathing. He’d casually leaned over during a pause and said in a low voice, “Fear of the unknown is common. Just concentrate on what you can control and trust the universe to take care of the rest.” Remembering how he’d offered that advice with an understanding smile and a quick squeeze of her hand made her smile. <em>Is it any wonder I fell in love with him?</em></p>
<p>Skye stepped in the shower, her concentration solely on making sure she counted to 20 as she soaped every part of her body thoroughly. She not only didn’t want to get sick for her own sake but now she had to stay healthy for Grant too. Although she trusted Jemma to be professional, she had no idea what to expect from the others or what they would do once Grant got better. Would they try to throw him in Vault D? She had no idea. All she knew was that she would need to be ready to do battle for Grant’s health and happiness.</p>
<p>As she walked down the hallway to her room – a walk that usually felt short but today felt like forever – Skye was grateful that her room was close by. <em>Just a little longer</em>, she promised herself. There was so much uncertainty in the air right now. She had no idea how the introduction of Grant and Kara into the base would be treated, so she had to be on her guard. The lessons of a lifetime spent around people who didn’t care about her sadness kicked in and she refused to show weakness.</p>
<p>Skye looked at her doorway the same way she used to look at her van: like a haven. Like her van, this was now the only place she could be alone. She looked furtively around at the empty hallway before darting into her room. As soon as the door closed, Skye started crying. She’d held it together for both her sake and Grant’s but, now that she was alone, she let go.</p>
<p>She sobbed out her fear of Grant being sick but, on the whole, she was confident he’d recover. After all, he was young, healthy and incredibly fit. Surely this virus, one that had such a low mortality rate, wouldn’t be too difficult for him to fight. Consequently, her tears for his illness were brief and instead she started crying for the abrupt unmasking of her relationship with Grant.</p>
<p>She’d always planned to tell her friends and colleagues about them but hoped to do it in a way of her own choosing, with funny and meaningful stories of how their relationship grew and being able to paint Grant in a good light. She’d counted on people knowing about his work with Spies R Us and the Avengers and that he’d been struggling to counteract the brainwashing that caused his terrible behavior in the first place. But now, things were different. The base didn’t hear information about Grant or about them as a couple gradually but all at once, without the context that might lead to understanding.</p>
<p>Skye had seen firsthand the judgment in the eyes of both Coulson and Jemma and she was scared. In an ironic reversal of the words she’d once used to taunt the handler at Cybertech, SHIELD was the plucky little family she’d never had. They’d taken her in, praised her talent, taught her skills, and welcomed her into their group. SHIELD was her life now. These were her people and she dreaded facing their reaction to her relationship with Grant. She knew they’d be angry, especially at her lies of omission, but would they be angry enough to kick her out? The mere thought of not having them anymore, of being without family again, was terrifying.</p>
<p>A knock on her door made her jump. Skye debated pretending she wasn’t in her room but quickly realized that would be a non-starter when she heard Trip call out, “Girl, I know you’re in there.” <em>Time to face the music.</em></p>
<p>When she opened her door, Trip was leaning on the doorframe, arms crossed and face blank. Her heart sank a little at the absence of his usual easy grin.</p>
<p>“We missed you at dinner. I wanted to make certain you got some food in you.”</p>
<p>“Thanks but I’m not hungry,” Skye replied faintly, avoiding Trip’s gaze. Not only did she not want to see the look on his face (<em>Is he angry with me? Disappointed?</em>) but the idea of parading herself into the kitchen and dining area was not appealing. And she truly wasn’t hungry. Even though she’d skipped lunch due to Grant’s arrival at the base, the situation wiped away any appetite she might’ve had.</p>
<p>“You, not hungry? That’d be a first,” Trip scoffed. “I’ll tell you what. You eat and I’ll be the one sitting across from you gloating that I called you being in love weeks ago.”</p>
<p>Skye’s eyes flew to his face, shocked to see his familiar teasing expression. Tears sprang into her eyes at the utter relief that at least she’d have one ally by her side.</p>
<p>“Come on, now. The thought of me being right can’t be <em>that</em> bad,” he joked. “It does happen on occasion.”</p>
<p>Skye laughed a little in spite of herself, her body relaxing for the first time since she saw Natasha and Steve enter the Playground. <em>Thank god for Trip!</em> Her stomach growled loudly, making its displeasure at going without regular food quite evident.</p>
<p>Trip laughed out loud. “Would you look at that? I’m right again! Are you going to stand there out of stubbornness or are you going to come quietly?”</p>
<p>Skye nodded her acquiescence and allowed Trip to steer her down the hall, his arm lightly around her shoulders. She listened with half an ear to his funny stories about the great lengths his family would go to in order to get out of hearing the Howling Commando stories told by the elder members. Tales of a rapid mass exodus of family members from rooms, spontaneous singing, impromptu dance contests, and secret headphones flowed, all told in Trip’s trademark laidback style.</p>
<p>She laughed at all the appropriate places, resisting the pull of her own sadness and jealousy. What must it be like to come from a family so rich in its own history that stories were something to be avoided? Skye felt like she would gladly listen for hours if only she had someone who could talk about her relatives. She wouldn’t even care if they repeated themselves or were boring.</p>
<p>Trip’s amusing anecdotes lasted throughout her meal, something Skye was grateful for as she noticed signs of him wanting to talk more seriously after she’d finished. She’d needed food and talking about somber topics would’ve upset her digestion.</p>
<p>Only after he’d watched her wipe the last crumbs of a chocolate chip cookie from her lips did Trip say anything serious. “Rumor has it that you’re in love with Ward.”</p>
<p>Skye considered saying something snarky about how fast news traveled since they apparently had nothing else to do but gossip but Trip had been kind to her. He didn’t deserve her sarcasm. “I am,” she admitted.</p>
<p>He looked to the side, almost as if he were choosing his words carefully. But his next sentence was vintage Trip. “Girl, you know that’s not going to go over very well around here.”</p>
<p>“I know. I understand why people are upset with Grant but it doesn’t change how I feel.” The conversation felt surreal. She’d spent so much time imagining how such a talk would go, coaching herself to reassure everyone that she cared about their feelings, that she completely understood their anger and respected it. But now that the time had come, she was just so tired and upset that she had no energy for taking care of other people’s feelings.</p>
<p>Trip didn’t seem upset by her forthright statement though. He just sighed, shaking his head ruefully. “Have you been in touch with him this whole time?”</p>
<p>This was an important question. She certainly didn’t want her colleagues to think she’d known where Grant was this whole time. “No. We ran into each other at the store when I did my grocery run.” She smiled a little, remembering their conversation over pie. “I yelled at him but instead of getting upset or defensive, he apologized and explained why he did what he did.”</p>
<p>“Yeah? What was his explanation?”</p>
<p>“Garrett.” Skye noted the fleeting expressions that crossed Trip’s face at the sound of his former boss’ name. Once again, she’d thought that she’d take a lot of time explaining Grant’s situation but she just didn’t have it in her. “He was a huge bastard but…,” she rolled her eyes slightly, “…apparently, he was also quite charismatic.”</p>
<p>Trip sat quietly for a moment, remembering. “He was. We all felt it, even the people who didn’t like him. Garrett was arrogant and demanding but there was something about him that made you want to make him happy or just be around. Even Coulson felt it.”</p>
<p>Skye’s eyes got big. “He did?”</p>
<p>He smiled slightly. “Oh yeah. The two of them were as thick as thieves for a while. Why do you think Coulson’s so mad at Ward? It isn’t just about what he did. Coulson was taken in by Garrett just like everyone else but he doesn’t want to admit it. He pins his anger on Ward because he knew about Garrett when Coulson didn’t.”</p>
<p><em>Huh.</em> This was interesting news, something Skye never even considered. “Were you taken in by Garrett?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I never liked the man but a lot of people, including me, fell all over themselves to do what he wanted. If he didn’t like you, you’d definitely regret it. But if he liked you, it felt like you were on top of the world. Ward was always his favorite though. Garrett would go on and on about all the amazing things Ward could do, how he was the best since Romanoff.” Trip paused again, looking off to the side, then turning back with a direct stare. “It was almost like Ward was his son.”</p>
<p>“Do you know what he did to Grant?” Skye asked faintly.</p>
<p>“I obviously don’t know as much as you do but I know enough to have questions. Their relationship always felt off, like there was something deeper between them that the rest of us couldn’t know about. After SHIELD fell, I thought it was the Hydra connection but after Cybertech, I started thinking it was something more. I even looked up Ward’s file but it was pretty boring, almost like it’d been sanitized.”</p>
<p>“It was. Garrett made sure of that. He found Grant when he was 15 years old, sitting in juvy because he’d fought back against his abusive family. Garrett kidnapped him and left him in the woods for five years by himself, basically brainwashing him. Grant was kind of like those child soldiers you always hear about. He’s only realized over the last few months just how bad his situation was and that he didn’t owe Garrett anything.” Skye wasn’t sure if Grant would want his history shared but, quite frankly, he owed it to the people he’d wronged and it was essential for them to know if they were ever going to forgive him.</p>
<p>Trip’s eyebrows rose. “Man! That’s even worse than I thought it would be.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Grant’s done some terrible things but it’s hard to be angry at him when you know the whole story. He spent five years dealing with a manipulative psychopath which totally sucks. But thanks to the Avengers, he’s trying to get better. They take that whole second chance thing pretty seriously.”</p>
<p>“I heard Captain America was pretty clear about that,” Trip said with a slight grin. He looked searchingly at Skye. “I get your connection to Ward. Neither of you had people looking out for you and you understand being vulnerable.”</p>
<p>Skye squirmed, disliking the feeling of being too seen. She’d never realized how perceptive Trip was. Clearly, he disguised it under his laidback manner. “I had run-ins with some bad people but,” she smiled, “I was lucky that the only people who kidnapped me were SHIELD.” Skye turned serious again. “But I know from my foster kid days how much you want to please someone you think cares about you.”</p>
<p>“I get that too but not in the same way you and Ward do.” The old teasing grin resurfaced. “Besides, I’m told Ward is kind of attractive….if you like that kind of thing.”</p>
<p>Skye laughed, pleased that Trip brought their conversation back into more comfortable territory. “Is that so? I never noticed.”</p>
<p>He laughed too, then his smile faded. “You know you’re in for a tough time with all this, right?”</p>
<p>She nodded. “He’s worth it though.” She paused, wondering if it was fair for her to ask for Trip’s help, then decided to go for broke. Trip was his own person and could choose for himself. “It’d help a lot if you were willing to talk with the others about Grant, tell them his story. They probably won’t believe me since I’m…” she pantomimed finger quotes, “‘emotionally compromised’ but they’ll listen to you.”</p>
<p>“I can try.” Trip got up from the table and held out his hand to help Skye to her feet. “It’s late and <em>someone</em> needs her beauty sleep.”</p>
<p>Skye felt good about their conversation, relieved she’d have at least one ally on base. As she lay in her bed, trying to let the worry drain away so she could sleep, she felt at peace. She didn’t know that it would be the last peace she’d get for a while.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Panic!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">Day 1</span>
</p>
<p>Skye drummed up her courage and headed to breakfast at her usual time. <em>Trip was cool. Maybe the others will be too.</em> But Skye didn’t usually lie to herself for long. That particular lie was just to get herself out of bed. Once up, she faced reality. She knew it would be bad but decided it was best to get it over with. However, the morning didn’t go the way she’d planned.</p>
<p>The first surprise was finding Jemma seated at the breakfast table. She usually grabbed something quick and ate in her lab while staring into a microscope or looking at test results. But there she was, sitting slumped at the table, just staring at and dragging her spoon slowly through a bowl of oatmeal. She looked incredibly tired.</p>
<p>Skye stopped short, not sure how she should act. To give herself time to think, she went to the refrigerator, got out some eggs and started scrambling them. She also toasted bread and poured herself a cup of coffee. Once her breakfast was ready, she took a deep breath and headed to the seat opposite Jemma determined to get the worst over with.</p>
<p>The last time they’d seen each other, Jemma had been angry with her. Skye’s first instinct was to get defensive but now, seeing Jemma look so defeated, Skye decided to give her a break and act like everything was normal. “Long night?” Skye asked as she sat down. She made sure not to use a peppy tone because that would just irritate her.</p>
<p>Jemma looked up blearily, her spoon momentarily still. “Oh. Good morning, Skye,” she said in a flat tone. She returned to poking her food. Skye took a deep breath. “Look, Jemma. I know I didn’t tell you about Grant and me but…” Her voice trailed off at Jemma’s furrowed brow, almost like she didn’t know what Skye was talking about. At Jemma’s continued silence and blank look, Skye’s spidey sense started tingling. “What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>Jemma still didn’t speak but fortunately Fitz wandered in, sitting down next to his science partner. “Eat, Jemma,” he said gently. She nodded and started taking small bites. “She’s been up all night in the Covid ward,” he told Skye. “Agent 33 seems to be getting better but Ward took a turn for the worse.”</p>
<p>Skye’s fork clattered to her plate, scrambled eggs flying everywhere. She stared at Fitz, her brain struggling to process what he just said. “What do you mean, worse?”</p>
<p>Fitz shrugged, frowning. “All I know is that they had to put him on a respirator. She’s really worried, aren’t you, Jemma?” He nudged her shoulder.</p>
<p>Jemma looked up from her bowl, appearing to really see Skye for the first time that morning, her expression still somewhat blank. The food she’d been eating seemed to have given her some energy, at least enough to hold a conversation. “Yes, I’m worried. The whole team is worried. Agent Ward appears to be in the Cluster 6 category of the virus which is by far the most severe. He’s experiencing both gastrointestinal and respiratory distress in addition to the symptoms Agent 33 has.”</p>
<p>“What kind of symptoms does she have?” Skye was starting to get worried. This wasn’t supposed to be a big deal, not for someone as young and fit as Grant.</p>
<p>“She’s been exhibiting headache, loss of smell, cough, fever, hoarseness, chest pain, and fatigue,” Jemma told her. “Those symptoms aren’t fun but at least they’re not as serious. She might even be able to leave intensive care fairly soon.”</p>
<p>Those symptoms sounded pretty bad to Skye and they were the “not as serious” ones? “Fitz said you had to put Grant on a respirator.”</p>
<p>Jemma nodded, taking another bite of her oatmeal. “He was in need of respiratory support. I initially put him on oxygen but he kept needing more and more of it. When it became clear that wasn’t working, we made the decision to put him on a ventilator. The machine is doing his breathing for him while we wait.”</p>
<p>“Wait for what?” Skye was no longer eating, her appetite completed vanished. Nothing could happen to Grant, could it? <em>He’s so strong!</em> Memories of Grant flashed before her eyes: him rescuing her from the compound in Malta, fighting a Supersoldier in the desert, watching him lift weights in the gym. How can some stupid virus do this to him?</p>
<p>“For him to heal,” Jemma explained, her words bringing Skye’s attention back to the present. The fog of Jemma’s fatigue seemed to lift even further, allowing her to notice Skye’s increasing distress. “Don’t worry, Skye. He’s not aware of what’s happening. We had to give him a strong sedative and some paralytic agents in order for this to work. Since he can’t eat, we also have him on a temporary feeding tube and my team is constantly monitoring his heart and lung functions.”</p>
<p>Skye was starting to feel desperate. <em>Paralytic agents? Feeding tube? This sounds bad.</em> “How long will he need to be on the ventilator?”</p>
<p>“It’s too early to tell. We’re hoping that if his body doesn’t have to work so hard to breathe, it can start healing itself more quickly.” Her head drooped, as if it was suddenly too heavy to keep holding up.</p>
<p>“Jemma, you need to go to bed,” Fitz told her authoritatively, pulling gently on her elbow to help her up.</p>
<p>She nodded, evidently recognizing common sense when she heard it. “We’re doing all we can, Skye,” she said over her shoulder as she walked out the door, leaning heavily on Fitz.</p>
<p>The silence in the room after FitzSimmons left felt deadly. Skye stared stupidly at the wall, oblivious to everything else. <em>This can’t be happening! This is not the way things were supposed to go!</em> Grant was supposed to be just a little ill, sick enough that he had to come to the base for treatment but not bad enough that his health was in danger! She didn’t even know what to do. She could feel the sobs building in her chest, so she put her hand over her mouth to contain them. Tears poured down her face and, despite her best efforts, the sobs shook her small frame.</p>
<p>Suddenly, a strong arm came around her. Skye didn’t even look to see who it was, she just turned into the firm shoulder and let it all out. The person’s other arm came around her, pulling her into an embrace. Skye’s body shook with the strength of her sobs. <em>Is everyone I love going to leave me? Grant can’t die! We just found our way back to each other!</em></p>
<p>“It’s going to be OK, Superstar,” a deep, rumbling voice said.</p>
<p>Only Mack called her Superstar, so this had to be him. She pulled back a little just to check, her sobs subsiding a little. “How do you know?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“I just do. You have to have faith.”</p>
<p>Skye pulled back even further, swiping at her eyes with her napkin and trying to focus on Mack’s face. His expression was one of deep sympathy and gentleness. “How do you know what I’m crying about?”</p>
<p>He snorted. “Come on, Superstar, you didn’t just ask me that,” he said smiling slightly, inviting her to smile with him. “This place is a hotbed of gossip and the news that you’re dating Ward spread like wildfire.”</p>
<p>Skye took the opportunity to blow her nose, getting up to throw the napkin away and then returning to her seat. She used the time to try and get a hold of herself. “And you’re OK with that?” she asked just as if there hadn’t been a pause.</p>
<p>Mack shrugged. “Ward seems to inspire some pretty strong negative feelings around here but there are always two sides to every story. I understand he’s done some good work for us lately and is working with the Avengers now. Add in your feelings for him and the dude clearly can’t be all bad.”</p>
<p>“He’s really a great guy, he’s just had some bad things happen to him and made some poor decisions.! If people just give him a chance to explain…” Skye said, her voice passionate in his defense but then she remembered that Grant might not get the chance to tell everyone his side of the story. He might leave her alone to do it. Her eyes filled with tears again.</p>
<p>“Hey, he’ll get the chance! He’s not going down like this. From what I’ve heard about the guy, he’s a fighter.”</p>
<p>“I hope so,” she whispered, struggling not to break down again. Although she rarely talked about it, Skye was no stranger to major illnesses hitting those around her. She saw sickness – big and small – all the time in the orphanage. There were always the usual bugs going around: colds, flu, strep, ear infections, even the occasional chicken pox for children who’d never been vaccinated. But she also saw some of the more serious diseases, like whooping cough, scarlet fever, and once even Kawasaki Disease. Most of the kids survived but a few didn’t.</p>
<p>Mack walked her back to her room, making sure she was OK. Skye appreciated the kind gesture but just wanted him to go. She needed to be by herself to think. Once alone, the only thing she could think of to do was to write Grant an email. She knew he wouldn’t be able to read it now of course but, if all went well, one day he would.</p>
<p>
  <em>Grant, I’m sitting here in my room just around the corner from where you are and I couldn’t be madder at you if I tried. This wasn’t how your reintroduction to the team was supposed to go! We should’ve had time to explain to them how things were for you with Garrett and what you’ve been doing to change and make amends. Instead, you’re lying in a hospital bed on a ventilator and I’m left holding the bag! I can’t even talk with you. Trip and Mack have been great but <span class="u">you’re</span> the one I’m supposed to be able to tell when I’m upset. I feel helpless, just like I did back in my orphanage days when the little kids got sick. But now it’s worse because it’s <span class="u">you</span>, the man I love! I don’t know what’s going to happen. Even Jemma seems worried which is terrible considering how mad at you she is. Grant, if you’re reading this, then you’re fine. I just want you to know how hard it was for me while you were sick. I don’t know if I could handle it if you left me again!</em>
</p>
<p>Skye sent the email, hoping against hope that one day he’d be able to read it. Then, at a loss for something to do, she took a shower. She spent the rest of her day hovering around the Covid room, desperately trying to get a peek to see what was happening, and wandering forlornly around the base. People kept out of her way but, even in her stupor, she could see the unfriendly glances many of her colleagues sent her way. She glared back at each and every one of them but, internally, she sighed. <em>This isn’t supposed to be happening! </em></p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Day 2</span>
</p>
<p>Following a restless night with little true sleep, Skye woke up early. Today’s lie to get her out of bed was that Grant was going to be better. All she needed to do was talk to one of Jemma’s team to hear the good news. Contrary to her usual habit of not lying to herself for long, she allowed this illusion to last past her workout time (there was no one in the gym, so she was free to exercise without an appointment) and shower. The good news lie bubble burst as she walked to the kitchen to get breakfast, the dread in her stomach increasing with each step.</p>
<p>Jemma wasn’t in the kitchen but Fitz was. His expression didn’t give much away and, based on the crumbs on his plate, he clearly had eaten as much as he normally did. But Skye could almost feel the bad news emanating from him.</p>
<p>She sat across from him with a thunk and took a deep breath. “What’s…” Her voice sounded weak and scratchy, practically indecipherable. Skye cleared her throat so that the words could come out better and tried again. “What’s happening with Grant and Kara?”</p>
<p>Fitz took a sip of coffee, then put his cup down carefully. “The good news is that Agen….I mean, Kara….is doing much better. She’s been moved out of intensive care and into another room. She’s been asking if you can talk with her. I think she’s kind of lonely.”</p>
<p>Skye nodded. It would be good to talk with someone she didn’t have to worry about disapproving of her relationship with Grant. Plus, she was interested to hear what Kara had been doing since being captured by Hydra. “I’d like that. But is it safe?”</p>
<p>“She still could be contagious but we’ve set up a computer in her room so people can talk with her. Just let me know when you want to do that and I’ll send you the link.”</p>
<p>“OK.” She watched Fitz closely, noticing that his focus was on his coffee cup, a scratch on the table, really anywhere but her. She could feel the anxiety build in her stomach but knew that knowing was better than not knowing. “Fitz.” Skye waited until he met her eyes, willing herself not to start crying again. “What’s going on with Grant?” When Fitz paused, she felt faint. “Is he dead?” she asked in a small voice.</p>
<p>“No, he’s still alive. But he’s worse than he was yesterday.”</p>
<p>Skye let that sink in and found she couldn’t imagine it. She took another deep breath to steady herself, remembering without wanting to how Grant was the one who first taught her to breathe tactically. “What do you mean <em>worse</em>? Yesterday he was on a ventilator! What more can happen?”</p>
<p>“One of the weird things about Covid19 is that other parts of the body are affected, not just the respiratory system. That’s what’s happening to Ward. He got a clot in his left hand last night and all his fingers are turning black and blue. Jemma’s concerned she might have to amputate his hand below the wrist. He also has what’s called ‘Covid toes’ which means that his toes are swollen and bruised for no apparent reason.”</p>
<p>While neither of these things were life-threatening, it felt like the virus was taking away pieces of him, a little bit at a time. <em>Grant would hate this.</em> For the first time, Skye was grateful that he was in a medication-induced sleep, that he was unaware of what was happening to him. Memories of how strong he was, the way he used his hands to handle weapons and throw punches, washed over her. She sensed Fitz’s stillness almost like he’d spoken and looked up to find him watching her.</p>
<p>His expression was filled with sorrow. “I’m sorry, Skye. I’ve been mad at Ward but he doesn’t deserve this.”</p>
<p>Skye bit her lip in an effort not to lash out at Fitz. She understood that he was trying to be kind but she just didn’t have the bandwidth to handle his conflicted feelings right now. “He never did,” she said as softly as she could (but not as softly as she’d wanted), quickly standing up from her chair and leaving the room.</p>
<p>“Skye! Don’t you want to eat anything?”</p>
<p>“Later,” she called over her shoulder. She suddenly felt like she couldn’t breathe, that she had to get out of that room or die trying. Out in the hall, she calmed down a little and leaned against the wall contemplating her day. Hovering around the Covid ward was out. Although they’d been nice about it yesterday, she could tell that her presence there irritated the medical staff and that was the last thing she wanted to do. They needed to keep all of their focus on Grant. Skye rolled her neck, trying to push out the tension, wondering what else she could do to fill the time. <em>Kara! Grant would want me to talk with Kara.</em></p>
<p>The call couldn’t have been easier to set up. One moment Skye was clicking on the link, the next moment she was looking at Kara’s wan face resting against her pillow. When she saw Skye, she smiled faintly. “Thanks for calling.”</p>
<p>“Of course! I know how boring it can get around here, so I figured you might want to talk.”</p>
<p>Kara nodded and the two of them exchanged a few pleasantries for a few minutes, punctuated by Kara’s coughs.</p>
<p>“How are you, really?” Skye asked.</p>
<p>“I’m OK. In some ways, this feels like a really bad flu. I have a fever and not much of an appetite. I also feel like a truck ran over me and, of course, I have this stupid cough. You have no idea how annoying it is.” Right after she said that, she went into a coughing fit.</p>
<p>Skye waited until it was over, then said with a smile, “I guess you just had to prove your point.”</p>
<p>Kara laughed slightly, then coughed weakly. “Please, don’t make me laugh. It hurts.” She paused to catch her breath. “But the really weird part is that I also have a lot of pain in my ribs, back and abdomen, almost like I was beaten up in the fight with those Hydra morons. But I wasn’t. Grant got into it more with them than I did because my guy was taken down pretty easily.”</p>
<p>“I’ve been reading up on Covid, at least what we know, and it sounds like the pain you’re experiencing is part of the illness for some people.”</p>
<p>“So I’ve been told,” Kara said dryly. She shifted, wincing as she did so. “I feel guilty, Skye. Apparently, the more you’ve been exposed to the disease, the worse you’re going to get it. And I let Grant take on more of those Hydra guys. If only I’d joined in the fight after I tied up my guy, maybe he wouldn’t be in such bad shape. But I didn’t. I thought he had it and would enjoy the fight.” She looked down. “We didn’t know they were infected.”</p>
<p>“Kara, hey,” Skye said, trying to get her to look at her. When she did, Skye continued, “There’s no way you could’ve known. It’d be nice if all infected people had a C on their foreheads or something but they don’t. And Grant wouldn’t want you to feel guilty. You know him. He probably was enjoying the fight and, even if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t want you to be sicker than you already are.”</p>
<p>Kara looked away again. “I know. But I also know that women tend to have it better than men do and I can’t let him always be looking out for me.” She faced Skye again. “I have to look out for him too. He’s my partner.”</p>
<p>Skye smiled, glad that Kara felt so strongly about Grant. He deserved all the advocates he could get. Besides, it would make what she needed to say next so much easier. “Well, if you feel that way, maybe you’d consider donating some of your convalescent plasma. I hear that’s been helpful in some cases.”</p>
<p>Kara smiled back at her, somewhat smugly. “Already done.”</p>
<p>Back in her room, Skye emailed Grant: <em>I talked with Kara for the first time. We kind of communicated when you two were brought in but today was the first time we actually talked. I can see why you like being her partner so much. She really cares about you but not in the same way I do of course. I have to admit I used to jealous of her. I mean, she got to live with you and train with you every day just like I used to. I miss that. And I didn’t know her intentions. For all I knew, she’d fallen for your dubious charms and was angling for her own ship name with you, KaWard or something stupid like that. But I’m sure everyone will agree that SkyeWard (our ship name) is vastly superior to any others, so I decided not to be jealous after all. Besides, I really like her. And if her convalescent plasma is what brings you back to me, I’ll love her forever. Please hurry up and get well!</em></p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Day 3 </span>
</p>
<p>Skye went through what was apparently her new morning routine: getting up way too early after a restless sleep, working out before anyone else was in the gym, showering, then heading down to breakfast. She didn’t know what her day would bring but having a routine of sorts was at least somewhat comforting. Coulson and May were leaving her alone so far, not giving her any instructions or tasks to complete. Skye was grateful because she didn’t think she could concentrate on anything even if they did. But she couldn’t help being somewhat resentful that neither of them had come by to talk with her since Grant and Kara arrived but, for now, she’d take what she could get.</p>
<p>Apparently, the team was taking turns about who was going to give Skye the daily updates because this time it was Trip in the kitchen. Skye knew that he’d been helping the medical team, so she didn’t even bother with the pretense of trying to get breakfast before taking the chair across from him.</p>
<p>Trip smiled tiredly at her and Skye relaxed. He wouldn’t be smiling if something bad had happened.</p>
<p>“What’s the news?” she asked him.</p>
<p>“The clot in his hand disappeared, so he’ll get to keep his hand.”</p>
<p>“Oh, thank god!” Skye paused, waiting for Trip to continue but he just sipped his coffee. “Any other news?”</p>
<p>He shook his head. “Other than that, no change.”</p>
<p>Skye felt the tension shoot back up her spine. “No change? But I thought Kara gave Grant some of her precious antibody-rich blood.”</p>
<p>“You’ve been reading up on this,” he said smiling faintly. “She did. But if it works, we usually don’t see results until after 48 hours,” Trip explained calmly.</p>
<p>Skye just stared at him, wanting to scream. <em>When will we get a break?</em> She realized that she’d been counting on the plasma too much but she didn’t know how much longer she could take this.</p>
<p>Trip’s expression changed from fatigue into concern. “Girl, you look terrible. How long has it been since you’ve really eaten or slept?”</p>
<p>Skye shrugged, unwilling to answer. The truth was that she’d only gotten a few hours of good sleep since Grant came into the Playground and she’d eaten very little. Her stomach felt like it’d been in a constant state of knots and her whole body ached from tension.</p>
<p>Trip frowned at her non-response. “Skye, this isn’t healthy. You can’t go on like this and you’re certainly not helping Ward in this condition. You need to eat something and then go straight back to your room for a nap. Medic’s orders.”</p>
<p>“Or what?” Skye asked, smiling to take the sting out of her words.</p>
<p>“Or someone might call the infamous Black Widow to go all Avenger on your ass,” Natasha Romanoff said as she came into the kitchen.</p>
<p>Trip just grinned but Skye’s mouth dropped open as she watched the Black Widow toast a piece of bread, butter it, pour some coffee, and place both in front of her. “Did someone really call you about me?” Skye asked her incredulously.</p>
<p>Natasha smiled in what could only be described as a fond way. “No, I’m here to check on Grant and talk to Kara. Taking care of you is just a bonus.” She paused, making a gesture to the food she’d just put on the table. “Come on, eat up. Then I’ll take you back to your room and tell you a bedtime story before you go to naptime. Trip’s right. You’re no good to anyone in this state.”</p>
<p>“Those weren’t my words!” Trip said indignantly.</p>
<p>“But it’s what you meant, so I just said it for you,” Natasha countered. She frowned at Skye. “Start eating.”</p>
<p>Oddly enough, being given an order to eat by the Black Widow unclenched her stomach, leaving Skye feeling hungry enough to eat for the first time in days. She then meekly followed her back to her room, thinking that hearing whatever Natasha Romanoff considered a bedtime story would be too interesting to pass up. But once again, Natasha defied expectations. She made Skye get into bed, insisting she get under the covers even though she was sitting up. Natasha then sat down next to her and put her arm around her, much as Skye imagined a mother would. Skye felt both tired enough and bold enough to put her head on her shoulder and close her eyes.</p>
<p>“Here’s my bedtime story,” Natasha said in a low, soothing voice. “Grant’s going to be OK. He’s going to pull through this and have a story to tell your kids about how he survived a global pandemic.”</p>
<p>“How do you know?” Skye asked sleepily.</p>
<p>“Because I know Grant Ward. He’s too much of a fighter to go down because of some virus.” Skye felt herself sinking further into sleep. The last words she heard were, “Besides, he’d never leave you again, not if he can help it.”</p>
<p>Later, much later, when she’d woken up alone in her room after hours of sleep, Skye emailed Grant: <em>The Black Widow came to visit you and Kara today. She seems to really care about all of us! She forced me to eat and then told me what probably counts as a Russian bedtime story so I’d fall asleep. She’s nothing like I expected. </em></p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Day 4 </span>
</p>
<p>Skye woke up feeling refreshed but also depressed. While eating food and getting good sleep helped, she was starting to feel like every day was Groundhog Day. <em>When’s this going to end?</em> But at the same time, she was terrified of anything changing if the change was for the worse. She resolutely put that out of her mind, feeling that familiar pang as she remembered that it was Grant who helped her master that skill.</p>
<p>She dutifully went through her usual routine of exercise, shower, then to the kitchen for the daily update. As she rounded the corner, Skye stopped dead in her tracks. There was Jemma, clearly waiting for her. Skye didn’t know if she should go back to her room and refuse to hear whatever Jemma needed to say or get it over with.</p>
<p>Jemma noted her indecision. “It’s OK, Skye. You can come in. It isn’t bad news.”</p>
<p>Her feet working again, Skye headed in and sat down. “It isn’t?” she asked, her eyes lighting up for the first time in days. She was disappointed and apprehensive when Jemma cringed at the note of hope in her voice.</p>
<p>“Well, it’s not <em>bad</em> news but it’s not really <em>good</em> news either. I mean, it’s kind of good since I’ve got a new theory but it’s not the good news you’re hoping for.”</p>
<p>Skye shook her head. <em>Of all the times to engage in FitzSimmons’ Speak!</em> At least, that’s what she and Grant used to call it between themselves on the Bus when the two scientists would go off with either their detailed scientific explanations or just plain mumbo-jumbo that made no sense. “Jemma, please. I have no idea what you’re saying. Speak English.” Then it was her turn to cringe as she realized that she’d just used a Grant-ism.</p>
<p>Jemma too must’ve remembered as she smiled faintly. “What I mean, Skye, is that there’s no change in his condition. We’re still waiting to see if the plasma works. Sometimes it does but sometimes it doesn’t and there’s no empirical evidence that it will.”</p>
<p>“So what’s the good news? You mentioned a new theory.”</p>
<p>“Right. I’ve been doing a lot of research into Covid and there’s this new theory that covers everything that’s been happening to Agent Ward. I’ll try to put this...uhh….in terms you’ll understand,” Jemma said delicately. Skye almost rolled her eyes at her ego but restrained herself so she could get the information she needed. “The renin-angiotensin system, or RAS for short, controls many aspects of our circulatory system, including this chemical called bradykinin. Normally it helps regulate blood pressure and it’s kept in check by another chemical called an angiotensin converting enzyme, called ACE, which keeps too much of it from building up in the body. Are you following me so far?”</p>
<p>Skye nodded thoughtfully. “I think so. The RAS is like a football team that helps the blood flow throughout our bodies. The quarterback is bradykinin whose power trip is usually kept in line by a coach called ACE.”</p>
<p>Jemma looked a bit dubious but continued on. “Umm…essentially that’s correct although that’s not how I’d describe it. Anyway, this new theory postulates that Covid prevents ACE from degrading bradykinin, making it to go crazy. Too much of it builds up in the body, causing what’s known as a bradykinin storm. This storm could account for the neurological symptoms many Covid patients experience as well as symptoms like Covid toes. Since Covid is acting like an ACE inhibitor, that could be what’s causing the dry cough, fatigue and increased potassium levels.”</p>
<p>“I’ve heard of ACE inhibitors!” Skye interrupted. “One of the nuns at the orphanage took an ACE inhibitor drug to control her blood pressure. And she was always tired and had this cough.” She looked sad for a second. “We used to make fun of her cough behind her back. She lost a lot of weight after she started taking the drug too. Is that a symptom too?”</p>
<p>Jemma shook her head. “Weight loss isn’t a symptom but it may have been a side effect of a loss of taste and smell which are symptoms. If she no longer enjoyed eating, maybe she didn’t do as much of it.” She smiled slightly. “Your simile of RAS as a football team may lose relevance when you consider that the RAS has some sex-linked features that give women extra protection. It may be why they have lower mortality rate than men.”</p>
<p>“No, that makes sense too," Skye argued, wanting to remain focused on her simile. "Women are too smart to play a violent game like football, so they have extra protection from unnecessary head injuries!”</p>
<p>“But women do play football,” Hunter said as he came into the kitchen to get a snack. He clearly had no idea of their overall conversation, having only heard the last few sentences. “Haven’t you ever heard of the Women’s Football League Association?” He glanced over to see Skye’s puzzled look and Jemma’s dropped jaw.</p>
<p>“Women…play…American football?” Jemma asked.</p>
<p>“They do! Although I’d prefer they call it something else since football is a different game elsewhere in the world,” Hunter said with a hint of superiority. “But yeah. The WFLA has two conferences and 32 teams overall. So they’ll probably get head injuries too, just like the men!” He took his cheese and crackers and prepared to go, shaking his head in mock severity at the women. “You two need to keep up with these things!”</p>
<p>After he left, Skye and Jemma just sat there looking at each other in shock. Then Skye shook her head like she was getting rid of Hunter’s interruption. “So OK, the RAS, bradykinin and ACE all play a role in a lot of Covid symptoms. But what about the breathing problems? Does the bradykinin theory explain them too?”</p>
<p>Jemma nodded. “This Covid virus is really clever! You’d have to admire it if it weren’t so deadly. Covid tends to increase production of hyaluronic acid (HLA) in the lungs. HLA can absorb more than 1,000 times its weight in fluid. When it’s combined with fluid that the bradykinin storm has leaked into the lungs, it forms a hydrogel which can fill the lungs and make it seem like you’re breathing through Jell-O.”</p>
<p>Skye sat still for a long moment, looking overwhelmed and slightly sick. “Jem, it’s really great that you have this hypothesis that explains everything but what good does it do Grant?”</p>
<p>“Skye, don’t you understand? If this theory is correct, it’s terrific news! One of the really great parts to this theory is that, if this is really what’s happening with Covid in the body, then we already have the tools to treat it! There are a number of FDA approved drugs already on the market and readily available that reduce bradykinin build-up. Vitamin D can be used to prevent bradykinin storms. And the drug Hymecromone can reduce HLA levels, stopping the hydrogels from forming in his lungs.”</p>
<p>“So are you going to give Grant some of these drugs?”</p>
<p>Jemma nodded. “We already are. We’ve given him Vitamin D, Hymecromone for the hydrogels, and Icatibant which has been shown to reduce bradykinin signaling and blunt its effects once it’s already in the body.”</p>
<p>“But you said earlier that this is just a theory, that you have no idea if it’s true or if these drugs will work.”</p>
<p>“Yes, that’s true,” Jemma said slowly. “This is risky.”</p>
<p>Skye’s brow furrowed. “Why do it if it’s so risky? Why not just wait to see if Kara’s donated convalescent plasma works for him?”</p>
<p>Jemma frowned and reached over to take Skye’s hand. “Because Skye,” she said in the gentlest voice Skye had ever heard her use, “Agent Ward needs whatever we can give him <em>now</em>. I don’t think we can wait.”</p>
<p>Skye met her eyes, noting the compassion and sorrow in them. She nodded dumbly, then stumbled out of the room. She spent the rest of the day alternately crying and wandering around the base in a daze. If she got unpleasant glances, she didn’t notice. She wasn’t even aware of the time. All she knew was that this was the day in which Grant’s fate would be determined one way or another. She kept hearing Jemma’s quiet voice on repeat saying, “I don’t think we can wait.”</p>
<p>The tears coursing down her cheeks made emailing hard but, somewhat superstitiously, Skye didn’t think she could finish the day unless she sent one to him. <em>Grant, Jemma has a new theory about what Covid’s doing to your body and is giving you different drugs to treat it. This has to work! Come on, my love! Come back to me! Everyone keeps saying that you’re too strong and too much of a fighter to let some stupid virus take you down. Natasha said you’d never leave me if you can help it. So you have to fight, Grant! Fight with everything you have to beat this thing! I really don’t know if I can bear it if you don’t.</em></p>
<p>Eventually, she fell into sleep, exhausted by the stress of the day. Although she’d been trying to push away the thought all day, Skye went to bed believing that Grant might be dead in the morning.</p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Day 5 </span>
</p>
<p>When Skye entered the kitchen looking like death warmed over, she was startled to see Fitz and Trip sitting at the table drinking coffee. They both smiled when they saw her.</p>
<p>“Jemma took Ward off the ventilator last night,” Fitz informed her. “Whatever she did worked! He’s now breathing on his own!”</p>
<p>Skye’s email to Grant: <em>You’re back, thank goodness! You’d better <span class="u">never</span>, <span class="u">ever</span> do that to me again! You owe me big, mister, and you’d better believe I’m going to collect!</em></p>
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